Oh Potty Training, Where Is Thy…Smell?

Ten years ago, when I looked at my life and imagined it now, changing a three year old’s poopy diapers would definately NOT have been on my list of “Yeah!” things. Of course, neither would “not sleeping at night” but that’s another story. My son Ethan knows when/how to use the potty, but 75% of the time, he simply chooses not to. When questioned as to “Why didn’t you tell me you needed to pee-pee,” he puts his fingers in his mouth and says, “I don’t know.”

Oh he knows alright. It’s usually because he’s too busy doing whatever else he’s doing (playing trains, watching cartoons, etc.) to actually stop and peform his natural functions. But man it’s getting old! Now we have two in diapers and while Ethan, the oldest doesn’t wet/poop as often as the younger one, when he does, MAN IT’S RANK!

I often fantasize about my life once we’ve had all the kids we’re going to have (I hope we’re done now with two). In my dreams, the kids are potty trained and they love doing the following:

  • Watching TV (Yes all you mothers out there. I WANT my kids to watch TV, if only because it gives me a break)
  • Playing video games (this is another purely selfish wish because I love video games too. Problem is, with two boys, the chances that I’ll ever get to play is slim)
  • Mowing the grass (I know, I know…but this is my dream after all. I say, “Dream Big!”)
  • Fishing (oh this is just self-explanatory)

You get the gist. Really, I don’t mind being a dad to boys, it’s being a dad to a baby that brings me down. if I’m being totally honest here, I just don’t get the “joy” of babies that everyone talks about. I mean, sure they’re cute, but peope all say, “Enjoy it now because they grow up fast.” And all I can think of is, “Not fast enough!”

Oh come on…I’m not the only person to ever think this. I mean, does anyone really (deep down) enjoy caring for an infant, and if so, why?

Do you just enjoy constantly having to carry around an extra 10-15lbs in your arms? Do you like getting up all hours of the night in a panic to get a bottle before the baby wakes up the rest of the house? Do dirty diapers bring you some kind of twisted happiness?

No, I really just don’t get it…and I bet if I could guarantee anonymity, most guys would agree.

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