Random Story Part 1

Recently, my friend had to “let someone go” at the office. She’s a real manager see, not just someone with a manager title like myself who actually only manages him or herself. Anyway, partly because it’s just fun to do, and partly because there are legal reasons for doing so, she went through this ex-employee’s laptop to see what he’d been spending his days doing, because, quite frankly, he’d not been doing much meaningful work.

In addition to opening every piece of e-mail labeled “porn,” he spent a great deal of time searching the Internet for seemingly random things (Yeah, I do that too…does it make me weird?). The top four searches on his Internet history were:

The most obviously funny one here being “cheese” of course. Over the last week, we’ve applied the use of the single word “cheese” to many situations–most notably when we have nothing else to say in response to a question, “I don’t know…um….CHEESE!”

We also took those four search terms and created short situational stories that were just too much fun! Now, I spend all my days either writing about industry terms like, “threat,” “risk,” “mitigation,” and “viruses.” All in all, it’s pretty boring stuff, so anytime I can flex my creative writing muscle and break out of the ho-hum, I like to do so. In that vein, I thought I’d create my own four random words and start writing short tales to go along with them. Most won’t have endings because I simply don’t have that kind of time, but it should be fun.

For this exercise, I’m using the random word generator found here. Today’s four random words are:

  • reckon
  • down
  • avoid
  • caps

Hmm, shouldn’t be too difficult, let’s see…

After enjoying a few wonderful spring-like days, winter came back with a small vengence. I reckon that the elephant ears I’d planted only the day before just barely below the surface should survive, but there are no guarantees. I’d gotten up early to get the baby when his swing stopped swinging and had hoped to avoid having to change him, thus waking him up any further, but a massive poop blowout, smelling remarkebly like formaldehyde, soaked through his onesy and dripped down my arm. There was no getting out of it…I had to change him!

Trying to keep a crying baby quiet while juggling bottles, diapers, wipes and clean outfits isn’t easy. As I pawed through the drawer full of socks and caps, I tried simultaneously propping the bottle up against a stuffed animal to it would stay vertical thus keeping the baby from sucking too much air.

Ok, not much real creativity there since this did, in fact, happen this morning, but it’s fun nonetheless. I like this idea…think I’ll keep it up.

Have a great Easter weekend all!

Brownie Points Akimbo!

Being Good Friday and all, I took today off to give my wife a break. My wife, as you may remember, recently gave birth to our second son and she’s been on maternity leave for just over 6 weeks now. Seeing as how she’s been caring for the youngin’ every day for more than a month I felt now would be a good time to bank some brownie points…you know…since it’s spring and I really wanna get out in the yard (and um, maybe buy a riding lawn mower).

All in all it’s been an easy day. We went to Home Depot, we went to the paint store and picked up some samples for our front door. The previous owners painted it black (“you bastards!”). It’s quite the travesty and I just have to paint it.

Anyway, the baby has been asleep for nearly 2.5 hours now and I just know that the second I sit down to blog, he’ll start screaming. So far I’m wrong, but we’ll see.

Back to the brownie points…I figured I’d book these major brownie points taking care of the baby today and all till my wife tells me that she booked me a massage for this afternoon at 5 p.m. Dang! Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be nice, but there goes at least half my points.

So there I am yesterday cooking dinner and the phone rings. I pick it up and the person says, “May I speak to Mr. X or Mrs. X” and I say–grammatically incorrect–“This is he,” and the other person says, “This is Massage Envy just calling to remind you that Mrs. X has an appointment at 3 p.m. and you have one at 5 p.m. Thank you.”

AH HA! So that’s how it played out huh? See, she didn’t tell me she also had an appointment booked. That gives me back at least half the points I had lost. A gift of guilt, while appreciated, doesn’t quite carry the same weight now does it?