Category: Family

Posts that discuss family life in America.

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Let’s talk about God baby…Let’s talk about you and me…

In keeping with the title of my blog (Postulates & Pasttimes), today’s entry is more along the line of Postulates–the religious kind to be more precise. Come, walk with me and let us talk about this religious stuff…

I was raised in a Pentecostal-based church. We moved around from Church of God organizations to Assembly of God organizations because basically they believe the same thing. In fact, I’m not sure what the difference is, once you stop concerning yourself with how they govern themselves. Although, the Assemblies of God do have a better Web site, so one point for AoG.

Among other things that Pentecostals believe, is the fact that as babies, we are born sinners and unless one repents of his or her sins, he or she cannot go to heaven. Now, there is a grace period that all babies and children get; meaning that if a child were to die before a certain age of awareness, then they automatically go to heaven. This core belief is fundamental and pretty much set in stone. You can go from one church to another and hear the same thing.

Another belief that is set in stone is the idea that Jesus will one day suddenly come back to earth, surprising everyone. He’ll then collect his people (“..in the blink of an eye…”), persecute the rest for a very long time, then basically bring heaven back down to earth where folks will live in peace for a while. Oh, also during this time, the Devil will be loosed back on earth in a last-ditch effort at turning folks and then he’ll be banned for all time. Even as a child, I found flaws in this belief. My biggest “oh right” is the idea that the Devil will be given a chance to convert people who are living in “Heaven on Earth.” Now, why would anyone who is in “Heaven” possibly follow the devil? Whatever…moving on.
(Note: If you’re really interested in this stuff, read Revelations.)

However, one area that there appears to be some gray area around, is what happens after you repent of your “original sin“. I’ve heard it preached that if I ask for forgiveness and I turn around and sin one time, and if after having sinned, and before I ask forgiveness again, the Lord should happen to come or I die in some horrific accident, then I’m doomed to suffer on earth until Judement Day.

Now, though I’ve never heard it specifically said, I’ve heard others hint at the idea that simply accepting Jesus as your savior and asking for his forgiveness is enough to get you into heaven as long as you strive to be good from there on out. This idea obviously holds more appeal for most people, which may be why the churches as a rule are integrating this into their theology, albeit unofficially.

So what does all this have to do with my blog entry you ask? Well, I’ll tell you…If scenario A (first one above) is true, then if the Lord comes while I’m typing this up, then I’m going to hell.

Yes, according to Pentecostal belief, I have sinned and “…come short of the glory of God.”

See, my wife is out of town and I’ve been watching the boys the last couple of nights. Monday night was fine. Both went to bed normally and the baby only woke up once.

Last night, however, was a different story. My eldest went to bed fine, but my youngest woke up four times during the night. On top of that, I have come down with a nasty little cold–in fact, all three of us have–and when you couple no sleep with being sick, well, let’s just say I would have fit right in with a compliment of sailors last night…and no, I haven’t asked for forgiveness yet.

Sleep well…

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

34 – And Hating Every Minute of It

A couple of weeks ago, my wife purchased for me a new shirt and some shorts for my birthday. When I opened the box containing the shorts, she said, “I think they’re your size (34), but they look big.”

Sigh…

Now, I have no illusions that I’ve maintained my pre-marriage weight. I mean, who can with all the dining out that today’s lifestyle almost requires; not to mention all the junk we have lying around the house for the kids. And oh Lord, but I love cheese!

In an attempt at balancing out my slovenly lifestyle, I also work out approximately 4-5 times per week in addition to any yardwork I do in the interim, so ultimately, I blame my mom’s genes for my sluggish metabolism. And I can’t expect umpteen cups of coffee to keep me ramped up when faced with 8 hours of office-cubicle chair sitting.

But it’s a wake-up call when your wife, very innocently, says you look fat. So here I am today eating protein shakes and fruit, while just trying to make it through the day without gassing the place out. (did I say that out loud?)

Coincidentally, or not, I also turned 34 this year and I sincerely hope this doesn’t become a new trend. When I’m sixty, I’d rather not have a similarly numbered waist size.

Kids: 40 years from now when you find this blog somewhere and you read it, don’t think of your old dad as a narcissistic schmutz. Just remember that once, I too aspired for underwear model greatness.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Tummy Time for Baby

For nigh on two months now, our youngest son has enjoyed sleeping in his crib, on his stomach.

GASP!

Reason: When he was colicky, not even the beloved Fisher Price Swing would calm him down, but sleeping on his tummy did. Hey, you put up with a screaming kid for two months and see what levels of unbelievable irresponsibility you’ll sink to. From my viewpoint, sleeping on his tummy is a minor transgression.

I know, I know, we’re terrible parents, what with the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and all. Let me stress here that he has been able to hold his head up by himself the whole time and we never cover him with a blanket any higher than to his waist. So there’s very little chance he’ll suffocate in any way, shape or form.

Yesterday, he started daycare and they made it very clear that they “could not/would not” put him on his stomach to sleep. My wife said, “OK, but he’s gonna cry.”

And he did. However, when my wife checked on him during her lunch break, he was on his tummy sound asleep. This morning though, we were told that they got in trouble yesterday (State Law: and who the hell tattled anyway?) and that if we wanted them to continue to put him on his tummy we’d need a Dr’s note.

Really? Is this the level of government intervention we’ve fallen to? What happened to letting the parent decide what is best for his or her child? No, I’m not niaive. I know that parents have been subjected to the whims of the state for years (vaccinations, spankings, etc) but telling me how my child can and cannot sleep is a little over the top.

But really, let’s look at the reasons for this Law. Here are some quotes regarding SIDS:

  • “Exactly why SIDS occurs remains elusive.” Mayo Clinic
  • “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is the sudden death of an infant under 1 year of age which remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation…” SidsCenter.org

So I think we can all agree that we don’t know for sure why SIDS occurs. However, to be fair, statistics also say that since the whole “Back To Sleep” campaign started, SIDS rates have declined by 38%.

But still, the “guesses” as to why SIDS occurs include everything from Electromagnetic fields, to pet dander, to vaccinations. In fact, studies show that vaccines are overwhelmingly the #1 choice for the cause of SIDS:

” A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that children diagnosed with asthma (a respiratory ailment not unlike SIDS) were five times more likely than not to have received pertussis vaccine.(1) Another study found that babies die at a rate eight times greater than normal within three days after getting a DPT shot.(2) The three primary doses of DPT are given at two months, four months, and six months. About 85 percent of SIDS cases occur at one through six months, with the peak incidence at age two to four months.” ThinkTwice.com

Bottom line: While I’m sensitive to the argument that sleeping on the tummy increases the chance of SIDS, I also subscribe to the theories that there is generally an underlying problem that causes SIDS and that sleeping on the tummy is not the cause.

Really, I’m more ticked about the government’s involvement. From seatbelts to my child’s sleeping patterns, they’re overstepping their bounds.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Finding a Nanny Is Like Trying to Mine Gold

We recently were “blessed” with a little screaming, grunting, rooting, writhing “bundle of joy” in the form of a baby boy. My wife took approximately 2.5 months off to be with him, using a combination of disability leave and vacation. As all moms do, she fretted over having to put him in the nursery at our older son’s daycare. There’s nothing wrong with it really; it’s small and it seems that anytime you go in there, there are 4-5 screaming youngin’s. It’s just not the calm, nurturing environment you want your children put in.

But, that’s life.

But then, as mentioned in an earlier post, we found out how much the ladies at daycare are paid and we thought, “Hey, let’s get a nanny.” Great idea! (at first)

We embarked on a search for a nanny through various channels and here’s what we found:

  • friends don’t wanna give up their sitter or nannies, so don’t bother asking them for a good name
  • online, so-called “Nanny reference services” run the gamut of everything from “fresh off the plane” foreign nannies, for which you pay a premium up front, but who are generally cheaper on the back-end because they live with you, to simple classified listings that are free for the nannies to post to, but for families looking for nannies, cost anywhere from $19.95 per month, to $200 per month.
  • free classified ads like those found on Craigslist

The problem with paying for one of these online listings is that you’re never really sure if the ads you can “preview for free” are real or not. So you may see some great listing, pay your money to access her contact information, only to find out (via e-mail) that “Oh shoot, I just accepted a position this past week.”

Therefore, we went the Craigslist route and received many responses, most of which were college-age girls with horrid MySpace sites that intimated everything from drug and alcohol abuse, to an abhorrence to children. It was truly mind-boggling.

After I screened and contacted several potential nannies (yes, that’s right “I”, as in “Me and not my wife”), I showed them to my wife who just kindof hmm’d and haaa’d over a few, without showing much interest. See, apparently my wife’s first reason for wanting a nanny was to make it easier for her to get out the door in the morning, but since she started getting up earlier, rather than at the last minute like she used to do, she’s been able to get herself and the boys ready (with my help I might add) with a minimum of fuss. So, Reason #1 for a nanny…GONE!

Reason #2 for a Nanny became the whole daycare thing, and how it’s just not a healthy environment for a newborn.

So, all this time that my wife has been back at work, we’ve had two different “nannies” helping us with the newborn during the day because we can’t get him in daycare till June anyway. Both are very nice girls, but all they want to do is lounge around and watch TV. Our son, who is now 3 months old, gets almost no stimulation until we come home and take over (I work from home sometimes so I see what goes on during the day). As time has gone on, I’ve run this whole nanny business over and over in my head and come up with the following reasons why a nanny may not be ideal:

  • while cost-effective now that we have two boys in daycare, when our oldest son starts pre-K and then kindergarten, and will NOT be in full-time daycare, it will not be cost-effective to have just one being cared for by a nanny
  • given the complete laziness exhibited by both nannies thus far, I fear how little exercise and artistic activities our children will be given. Currently, our eldest son plays on the playground for almost 2 hours a day, and does at least two different craft activities, on top of learning Spanish (at 3 years old). I don’t see a nanny doing all that
  • external social interaction will be much less with a nanny

After nearly two weeks of almost no nanny searching by my wife, I recognized that it was time to bring up my points. I did it subtely one evening while watching TV, “So, what do you want to do about a nanny?”

Subtle huh?

Her reaction was much the same as it had been for the last two weeks at which point I finally laid out my reasons why I was now against it. She agreed, but still wouldn’t commit to ending the search.

Another week went by and I’ve got three nannies awaiting a callback and finally I say, “So, are we done with the nanny idea?” Put on the spot she finally says, “Yes.”

YES, YES! OH YEAH BABY, RIGHT THERE! JUST LIKE THAT!

GAME, SET, MATCH!

I’m done. No more postings on the Internet, no more searching Myspace and Google for e-mail addresses and names to see what inane postings by these women I can find. I’m done! Fini!

In retrospect, as a friend pointed out, I should have realized by her lack of desire to be the one looking for a nanny, that it had become a non-issue. A momma-bear who isn’t taking the search for a surrogate caregiver firsthand, probably isn’t really into the search anyway.

Had I let her do it, I could have saved myself a lot of time and hassle. Sometimes I’m really dense.