Category: Fatherhood

Being a father and dad in America.

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Tummy Time for Baby

For nigh on two months now, our youngest son has enjoyed sleeping in his crib, on his stomach.

GASP!

Reason: When he was colicky, not even the beloved Fisher Price Swing would calm him down, but sleeping on his tummy did. Hey, you put up with a screaming kid for two months and see what levels of unbelievable irresponsibility you’ll sink to. From my viewpoint, sleeping on his tummy is a minor transgression.

I know, I know, we’re terrible parents, what with the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and all. Let me stress here that he has been able to hold his head up by himself the whole time and we never cover him with a blanket any higher than to his waist. So there’s very little chance he’ll suffocate in any way, shape or form.

Yesterday, he started daycare and they made it very clear that they “could not/would not” put him on his stomach to sleep. My wife said, “OK, but he’s gonna cry.”

And he did. However, when my wife checked on him during her lunch break, he was on his tummy sound asleep. This morning though, we were told that they got in trouble yesterday (State Law: and who the hell tattled anyway?) and that if we wanted them to continue to put him on his tummy we’d need a Dr’s note.

Really? Is this the level of government intervention we’ve fallen to? What happened to letting the parent decide what is best for his or her child? No, I’m not niaive. I know that parents have been subjected to the whims of the state for years (vaccinations, spankings, etc) but telling me how my child can and cannot sleep is a little over the top.

But really, let’s look at the reasons for this Law. Here are some quotes regarding SIDS:

  • “Exactly why SIDS occurs remains elusive.” Mayo Clinic
  • “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is the sudden death of an infant under 1 year of age which remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation…” SidsCenter.org

So I think we can all agree that we don’t know for sure why SIDS occurs. However, to be fair, statistics also say that since the whole “Back To Sleep” campaign started, SIDS rates have declined by 38%.

But still, the “guesses” as to why SIDS occurs include everything from Electromagnetic fields, to pet dander, to vaccinations. In fact, studies show that vaccines are overwhelmingly the #1 choice for the cause of SIDS:

” A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that children diagnosed with asthma (a respiratory ailment not unlike SIDS) were five times more likely than not to have received pertussis vaccine.(1) Another study found that babies die at a rate eight times greater than normal within three days after getting a DPT shot.(2) The three primary doses of DPT are given at two months, four months, and six months. About 85 percent of SIDS cases occur at one through six months, with the peak incidence at age two to four months.” ThinkTwice.com

Bottom line: While I’m sensitive to the argument that sleeping on the tummy increases the chance of SIDS, I also subscribe to the theories that there is generally an underlying problem that causes SIDS and that sleeping on the tummy is not the cause.

Really, I’m more ticked about the government’s involvement. From seatbelts to my child’s sleeping patterns, they’re overstepping their bounds.

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Finding a Nanny Is Like Trying to Mine Gold

We recently were “blessed” with a little screaming, grunting, rooting, writhing “bundle of joy” in the form of a baby boy. My wife took approximately 2.5 months off to be with him, using a combination of disability leave and vacation. As all moms do, she fretted over having to put him in the nursery at our older son’s daycare. There’s nothing wrong with it really; it’s small and it seems that anytime you go in there, there are 4-5 screaming youngin’s. It’s just not the calm, nurturing environment you want your children put in.

But, that’s life.

But then, as mentioned in an earlier post, we found out how much the ladies at daycare are paid and we thought, “Hey, let’s get a nanny.” Great idea! (at first)

We embarked on a search for a nanny through various channels and here’s what we found:

  • friends don’t wanna give up their sitter or nannies, so don’t bother asking them for a good name
  • online, so-called “Nanny reference services” run the gamut of everything from “fresh off the plane” foreign nannies, for which you pay a premium up front, but who are generally cheaper on the back-end because they live with you, to simple classified listings that are free for the nannies to post to, but for families looking for nannies, cost anywhere from $19.95 per month, to $200 per month.
  • free classified ads like those found on Craigslist

The problem with paying for one of these online listings is that you’re never really sure if the ads you can “preview for free” are real or not. So you may see some great listing, pay your money to access her contact information, only to find out (via e-mail) that “Oh shoot, I just accepted a position this past week.”

Therefore, we went the Craigslist route and received many responses, most of which were college-age girls with horrid MySpace sites that intimated everything from drug and alcohol abuse, to an abhorrence to children. It was truly mind-boggling.

After I screened and contacted several potential nannies (yes, that’s right “I”, as in “Me and not my wife”), I showed them to my wife who just kindof hmm’d and haaa’d over a few, without showing much interest. See, apparently my wife’s first reason for wanting a nanny was to make it easier for her to get out the door in the morning, but since she started getting up earlier, rather than at the last minute like she used to do, she’s been able to get herself and the boys ready (with my help I might add) with a minimum of fuss. So, Reason #1 for a nanny…GONE!

Reason #2 for a Nanny became the whole daycare thing, and how it’s just not a healthy environment for a newborn.

So, all this time that my wife has been back at work, we’ve had two different “nannies” helping us with the newborn during the day because we can’t get him in daycare till June anyway. Both are very nice girls, but all they want to do is lounge around and watch TV. Our son, who is now 3 months old, gets almost no stimulation until we come home and take over (I work from home sometimes so I see what goes on during the day). As time has gone on, I’ve run this whole nanny business over and over in my head and come up with the following reasons why a nanny may not be ideal:

  • while cost-effective now that we have two boys in daycare, when our oldest son starts pre-K and then kindergarten, and will NOT be in full-time daycare, it will not be cost-effective to have just one being cared for by a nanny
  • given the complete laziness exhibited by both nannies thus far, I fear how little exercise and artistic activities our children will be given. Currently, our eldest son plays on the playground for almost 2 hours a day, and does at least two different craft activities, on top of learning Spanish (at 3 years old). I don’t see a nanny doing all that
  • external social interaction will be much less with a nanny

After nearly two weeks of almost no nanny searching by my wife, I recognized that it was time to bring up my points. I did it subtely one evening while watching TV, “So, what do you want to do about a nanny?”

Subtle huh?

Her reaction was much the same as it had been for the last two weeks at which point I finally laid out my reasons why I was now against it. She agreed, but still wouldn’t commit to ending the search.

Another week went by and I’ve got three nannies awaiting a callback and finally I say, “So, are we done with the nanny idea?” Put on the spot she finally says, “Yes.”

YES, YES! OH YEAH BABY, RIGHT THERE! JUST LIKE THAT!

GAME, SET, MATCH!

I’m done. No more postings on the Internet, no more searching Myspace and Google for e-mail addresses and names to see what inane postings by these women I can find. I’m done! Fini!

In retrospect, as a friend pointed out, I should have realized by her lack of desire to be the one looking for a nanny, that it had become a non-issue. A momma-bear who isn’t taking the search for a surrogate caregiver firsthand, probably isn’t really into the search anyway.

Had I let her do it, I could have saved myself a lot of time and hassle. Sometimes I’m really dense.

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Watch Your Kids for Goodness’ Sake

There’s a time-proven method of getting over writer’s block, and that is to just start typing and see what goes from there. I’m doing that today because nothing of note happened since Mother’s day. I suppose I could go on about Mother’s day and all, but it too was fairly uneventful. I suppose I’ve always wondered about people who blog on a daily basis. How do they come up with that much material? OK, here’s my last couple of days in a nutshell for those that are interested:

  • Mother’s day came and went with no special events. We had my wife’s mom and dad over and I grilled sausage and chicken. There was cake, we shared wine and hugs. It was all good.
  • Our neighborhood pool opened this weekened. Oh, see it worked! Now I have something to complain about 🙂

Moms…when you’re at the pool with your children, especially those of you with young children, other parents who are also there with their children and who are actually IN THE WATER playing with their own children, don’t want your children hanging all over them.

Our son met some kids at the neighborhood park over the summer. Two little girls and a boy. They were at the pool both times we were over the weekend. I, loving the pool, and wanting to get our 3-yr old used to the pool fairly quickly this summer, was in the water with him. This family’s oldest daughter (of 5 years) would not stop crowding us and trying to get into what we were doing. She’s a really cute little girl and I like her, but ENOUGH! And where’s your mommy little girl? Oh, there she is, sitting up beside the pool, fully dressed, yapping away with her friend, not in the least bit interested in what her kids are doing.

Yes, I get it that we have a lifeguard, but if you aren’t interested in watching your kids for safety’s sake, at least keep them out of other people’s hair.

It’s really funny watching kids around the ages of 3-6, and I don’t know if it’s always been this way or just our society has forced little girls to become extroverts, but the boys appear to be the well-behaved ones and the little girls are these noisy, bossy little things that want all the attention. Truthfully, I always wanted a boy and a girl, but I have two boys and quite frankly, I think it’ll be an easier road. We’ll see.

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Accept your neurosis…and just move on

Despite having more than 20 nieces and nephews, I’ll never be that “fun uncle” that we all hope to be to our brother’s and sister’s kids. I suppose that is because whenever I’m around them, there are so many of them that I get overwhelmed and revert to my usual, “quiet Uncle Chris who gets crabby if he gets pushed” self. This is what becomes of only children when forced to play with the entire class.

So anyway, we have one of my wife’s brother’s daughters here for two weeks helping us take care of our youngest son during the day. Back home, she’s one of 8 kids who are all home-schooled by mom. They have quite a machine there where the older kids help care for the younger kids, ranging from age 15 down to 3 months. I can only assume, each share in the household chores as well.

You can imagine my surprise then, when I came home yesterday to find her holding my son, still in his hot pajamas, and the house a mess. Dishes on the counter, crumbs all over the table, and the floor littered with grass clippings. Honestly, in a day, the three of us don’t make that kind of mess.

However, I’m inclined to cut the kid (she’s about to turn 15) some slack given that this is probably like some great big vacation for her and since she didn’t get to our house till late Sunday night only to have to suddenly get up and start caring for the baby the next morning.

While I’m grateful for her help, I have my reservations, such as:

  • She stayed downstairs watching TV till midnight last night, so as I got up to feed the baby at 11:30, I had to clothe my usually half-naked self in order to go downstairs
  • How long do I let it go before I say, “Look, we’re paying you more money in a week than you’ve ever held in your hand at any one time, the least you can do is clean up when the baby is asleep!”
  • Oh, and since she stayed up till midnight last night, my wife had to wake her up at 7:30 this morning so she could go to work.

Really people, I know it probably doesn’t come off as such, but I’m really a nice guy. Anal, demanding, a bit of a perfectionist, but all in all, a REALLY nice guy.
I think…