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Dad Blogs DIY Family

The Hills are Alive…with the smell of…beneficial nematodes…

I have crap all over my yard…literally. But it’s not what you think (or maybe it is).

My dad was the original tree hugger, only without the politics or the VW van (and the weed). He grew up in the North Carolina mountains and from the time I was able to talk, he would point out trees and tell me what kind they are, and how to tell them apart. Then, of course, we had a garden growing up where I got to learn the joys of kneeling under five-feet-tall okra stalks as ants dropped onto my naked back, and how picking cucumbers and squash in a short-sleeved shirt is a HUGE mistake (it stings!).

So, I’ve always felt a kinship to the earth, but I’ve never really been a conservationist. I wanted to be, but like so many of us, it just hasn’t been convenient. Well, our new neighborhood is part of a recycling program, so I’ve become a lot more “green” than I ever was before. Even if you’re not especially green-oriented, the peer pressure of seeing stacks of recyclables next to your neighbor’s driveway is enough to motivate you to rinse and recycle.

Taking it one step further, I’m trying to go eco-friendly in my yard too. We live on a slope with a nice little creek at the bottom of the hill, so anything I put on my lawn eventually ends up in the creek. So rather than use the highly effective, yet economically disastrous nitrogen-based synthetic fertilizers in my yard, I’m using human waste.

Not my own of course, but that of the good people in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. See, the water treatment plant in Milwaukee also makes an organic fertilizer called “Milorganite” (Link complete with video goodness). This fertilizer is nothin’ but good old recycled and sterilized human waste. And it smells like it too.

The net benefit to nature is both in the runoff that won’t kill the fish, and in the fact that it actually promotes beneficial buggery in the soil, as opposed to killing off the beneficial buggery like synthetic fertilizer does.

The downside to this organic fertilizer includes the smell (ugh!), which supposedly fades in a few days, and in the fact that it takes a LOT more fertilizer per square foot, even though the price is similar.

Once again, doing the environmentally right thing, costs more money than doing the easy thing (electric cars, insulation, etc.) but it’s worth it right? Now, how to keep all the neighborhood dogs away from the yard until the smell dissipates is another thing entirely.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Movies and What I Expect Fathering to Be Like

House from "Father of the Bride"If there is one thing that the media have done for society, it’s create a sense of how things should be. Producers have become masters at creating scenes that indelibly imprint themselves in the minds of viewers and those scenes, in turn, become part of the sense of “how things should be.”

Sometimes these magical moments affect a large segment of the population, like those of us who recently (in the last 15 years) glommed onto the movie “A Christmas Story,” and who now see Christmas as a cherished time with the whole family gathered around the tree, a fire going, and turkey dinner for lunch (or maybe Duck); and of course there are gifts…lots of gifts.

Other times, these moments are much smaller, less impactful on the larger society, but just as powerful in the minds of the viewer. As a parent, I realize that there are things that I want to do with my kids that have nothing to do with my own self-realized goals, but are things that I’ve seen portrayed on television or the big screen and that seemed like wonderful things to do.

An example of this might be the father/daughter pre-marriage basketball game that Steve Martin shares with his soon-to-be-married daughter the night before her big day in the movie “Father of the Bride.” I don’t have daughters, but I would love to have a moment like that with my sons one day before they get married. I want to have that special of a bond with my children.

Last night I got to enjoy one of these moments, and in retrospect, it’s a silly one I know, but it’s something I’ve seen time and time again on television and movies and it always seemed so touching.

I got to carry my sleeping son to bed.

I know that may sound silly to a lot of people—commonplace even—but my oldest son is not a sleeper and it’s a very rare day that he falls asleep anywhere other than his bed. But last night as I was putting my youngest down to sleep (a 20-minute ordeal), I left my oldest in “mom and daddies bed” watching “Thomas the Tank Engine” and when I returned, I found him curled up fast asleep. I then picked him up and carried him to his bed where he didn’t even wake up. In that moment I realized that I was living out one of those moments in life that, while so simple, will be indelibly etched in my mind as a father. The idea that another human being can so willingly put him or herself in my care without a care of their own, is a precious thing to me.

I may ultimately suck at this dad stuff, but I’d like to think that based on this, I’ve done something right.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Of butt-paste, yeast infections and other skin ailments

Parenting really is one big roller coaster isn’t it? The minute you get over one hill and you start coasting down it towards easier times, another whopping hill looms up before you forcing you to grab onto the handlebars and pray for all you’re worth.

Yesterday, as my sick wife languished at home in an attempt at sleeping off this nausea we’ve shared, daycare called and said our youngest was crying and generally unhappy. My wife, God bless her, went and brought him home. Other than not having slept since 7 a.m. (by then it was 11:30) he seemed fine.

However, last night as I tried to bathe him, he kept rolling up on one soft little butt cheek and a closer examination revealed some terrible chafing, which my wife had already been treating with some Butt Paste (Boudreaux’s brand I think). It was so painful for him, he couldn’t even sit, which might explain his crying so much at daycare.

Like any good parent, I immediately started running through my head what had changed that could have caused it and I came up with the following possibilities:

  • his antibiotic-induced diarrhea (love that word!)
  • new diapers

It occurred to me that we had just recently (as in the last two days) switched to Huggies from Pampers because the Pampers weren’t getting the job done at night. Our older son used Huggies with no problems, but it’s possible our youngest is allergic to them. So, we found an old pack of leftover Pampers and are trying them.

In the meantime, my MIL called and suggested it might be a Yeast Infection since he’s been on antiobiotics and his body can’t fight it off right now. So, there’s another suspect, which prompted an immediate late-night trip to the drug store for some Monistat or something (I offered to go, figuring it’d be less embarrassing for a guy to be buying it, but my wife insisted that she’d go).

His bottom didn’t seem as irritated this morning, so who knows. We’ll keep up this new diaper, anti-yeast infection/butt paste regimine for a few days and see if it works.

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Dad Blogs Family Marriage

Potato Soup for the Soul, Or Stomach Bug? You Tell Me

I fear that in light of several unfortunate intestinal problems this year, I am going to be forced to proclaim 2007 as “The Year of the Colon.”

Harken back if will to the ill-fated multi-family vacation to the beach earlier this year where I spent four of the most miserable hours of my life trying (unsuccessfully) not to puke over the side of the boat while on a deep sea fishing trip. Moving forward in time, just before I left on my vacation to Pennsylvania last week, I had what can only be called “pseudo-appendicitis” that included severe cramping symptoms among other things. On top of that, I’m on my second round of very strong antibiotics for the second time in 3 months. And now…oh now…

I knew that my going away for three days on a solitary (sans-family) vacation was going to cost me, but I wasn’t sure what form it would take. I figured that when I returned, my wife would pretty much hand me the kids and go for a walkabout around town. To her credit, she did give me a few hours of unpacking grace-period before doing so, but since returning, it’s pretty much been the daddy show in the evening. Which wouldn’t be so bad if our youngest of seven months hadn’t come down with an ear infection which has left him a blubbering mess, for which he is now on the very same antibiotics I’m on and which has also turned his colon into a sewage-like firehose from which there is no escape.

The night before last, my wife made a potato soup dish, no doubt inspired by something she read in a magazine her grandmother is fond of called “Cooking Light.” This magazine, in case you’re not familiar, basically takes really yummy versions of high-fat dishes and attempts to make low-fat versions of them. It also includes lots of pictures of MILFs in their little spandex outfits doing these cutesy little exercises while holding 5lb dumbbells (right!). This is the second such attempt at a recipe this month from this magazine, the first being a roasted chicken stuffed with lemons and rubbed with some kinda something (not oil mind you). The result was a terribly bland chicken…reminiscent of a poached chicken breast with no seasoning.

Back to the soup…in the place of whole milk and no doubt at least some butter and half and half, this recipe called for skim milk, sour cream and lord knows what else (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth while thinking about it just now). Now, this dish is one of those dishes that tastes pretty decent for the first few bites, but after a while, you realize that something just isn’t right. The connoisseur in me realized that for whatever reason, rather than having a light and creamy soup, we had a heavy, frothy concoction that wasn’t improved by adding any of the condiments (bacon bits, cheese, scallions) provided. Even as I told my wife it was yummy, I left a bit in my bowl complaining that I was full. No worries.

The next morning (yesterday) I awoke to a queasy tummy, which I blamed on both my antibiotics and on an…um…male pain that WebMD said was normal for prolonged infections in the body. As the day progressed, my queasiness worsened. I skipped the gym and headed home in hopes of some downtime before the fam arrived, only to be quickly followed by my wife suffering from the same ailment.

When I’m sick, I can’t sleep, but when my wife is sick…she sleeps for hours…so once again, I got to be up with the boys all evening (and night) and I’m happy to say that I’m feeling about 80% this morning. My wife is probably back up to 60% but since she started complaining of symptoms after I did, she should be pretty good by this afternoon.

So either, we got some kinda food poisoning from the soup (cuz neither child had any soup and neither child appears sick) or we both got a particularly virulent strain of a tummy bug. Either way, my mind blames the soup and as an added bonus, every now and then a “taste memory” pops up in my mind and in my mouth and it makes me want to just go let it all go. But alas, I have the stomach of iron (minus the fishing trip again mind you) and I just can’t throw up.

So, payback is a bit** and in this case, much worse than I imagined. But hey guess what? My wife gets to go out of town again tomorrow night so guess who gets to pay me back this weekend?