Tag: dads

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Donuts for Dads – Wait! It’s a trap.

Image result for donuts free use

This morning my daughter, now in fifth grade, informed me that tomorrow is “Donuts for Dads” day at school. I will pause a moment to allow for the collective “Uhhhh.”

I was taken a little by surprise because normally I’m on top of this. The reason being, it’s not really about having your dad come by your school and seeing your class. It’s really about getting your dad to come by school and, “Oh by the way we’re having our book fair so why don’t you grab a donut and head over and buy some books.”

And I love to read and have always wholeheartedly supported my kids’ desire to read.

The principal usually sends out an email to remind us all, but either she didn’t this year, or I’ve started ignoring her email after her last ridiculous-fest where she tried to play off her stealing two “learn from home” school days and forcing kids to come to school instead, calling it an “Opportunity.” I called her on her Public Relations-like bullshit, accusing her and the PTA of catering to the needs of the few (for the free meals) and ignoring the will of the many who would rather give their kids a break and let them be home a couple of extra days. She wasn’t thrilled with my rebuttal.

But, I’ve never really minded the book fair; though, I could do without the donuts. For one, I never eat one. But more importantly, it’s a bunch of guys, all dressed and ready for work, standing around a classroom that took all of two minutes to take in, killing time before the bell rings and we can all escape away to our day jobs. And in this day and age, isn’t it just a little sexist? Presumably, it was created as a way to get dads involved because, you know, we’re all NOT involved in our kids’ lives enough and thank GOD the school is making sure we are.

It’s surreal and uncomfortable. And I’m going to miss it terribly.

Of my three children, my daughter is my youngest. This is her last year in elementary school which means a lot of things, not all of them terrible.

On the plus side, it’s the last year I’ll have to walk her to the bus stop at 7am every day. When she moves to middle school, she’ll be able to walk with her older brother to the bus at 8:10. That also frees me up to not get up at 4am to go to the gym in the morning. I’ll be able to stretch it to 5 or 5:30.

But the cons far outweigh the pros. For instance, she normally gets home at 2:45 in the afternoon and since I’ve been working from home for several years, that means that most days I get “me” time with her every day. I know that as she gets older, her desire to do anything with me will wane and I will look back on these times as precious, even as I huff and sigh about having to stop working and walk the 2/10 of a mile up the street to get her every day.

She will be with her older brother one year in middle school, and then he will join HIS older brother in high-school for a year. She will then join him for two years in high-school, and so on and so forth.

And before I know it, she will be my only child still at home, and even shorter still, she’ll be gone.

I will be lost. I imagine I will dive into my work with a zeal I’ve not known for a couple of decades, just to kill time between my kids’ visits. I’m not sure what my wife will do. We aren’t social enough to fill our lives up with other people, which means me puttering around here, falling back on my solitary habits, and her doing…well, I’m not sure what exactly. Probably working as well, and neither of us talking to each other much.

Or maybe, it will be just what our 20-year marriage needs; sparking more “us” time. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’ll hit the gym at 4:30 tomorrow so I can get to school by 7:15  and hope it’s early enough to get a parking spot. I’ll smile and nod and talk about how great the classroom is. All the while, the Joker’s poem running through my head:

I’m only laughing on the outside; my smile is just skin deep.
If you could see me on the inside; you might join me, for a weep.

 

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Doing our Best

“Dude, I’m so much better a father than you are.”

Ever catch yourself saying that in your head? Is it usually when you’re out and about and see some dad doing something that you would never in a million years do to your kids?

I gotta admit that I do this a good bit. I know, I know…it’s egotistical, it’s obnoxious, and worst of all, it’s probably not even true.

What I have to remind myself, is that I have no idea of the events leading up to the moment I just witnessed. That dad might be a single father struggling to hold down a job and keep his kids happy and well-fed. Or, maybe the kids have just been real bastards for the last hour and a half and what I witnessed was his last straw after an hour and a half of patience and honest-to-goodness trying.

As an example, at a recent gathering of the in-laws, my BIL brought his daughter over without his wife. He walked into the house (he’s also an in-law), grabbed one of the hamburgers I had made especially for MY family (everyone else was having Pork Loin…on Memorial Day!) and sat down and started to eat without hardly a word of greeting to anyone. Then, when everyone was finished, while I was off watching my two boys destroy the house, along with his 3-year old daughter, he sat there at the table as if she didn’t exist, letting others take care of his kid for him.

At the time, I was pretty darn ticked. The NERVE of him coming over and doing that.

But then later, I had to remind myself that his wife is at home, overdue pregnant and she is no easy person to live with (by my standards) under normal circumstances. Just recently, she “made” him check the family into a local hotel the other night because she was “just over waiting on this baby” and they all needed a change of scenery. This also means he’s doing the lion’s share of everything around the house, including taking care of their daughter. So maybe I can’t begrudge him a little downtime and thoughtless feasting.

But I think it’s healthy to compare ourselves to others sometimes. If we’re really being honest, it can lead to improvements in our own day-to-day. And just as I have to cut other guys some slack, I try and do the same for myself. I’m not perfect—heck, I’m not even “pretty darn good.” I’m just me and I’m doing the best I can while juggling flaming swords and cantaloupes.

Be safe on the road this summer gents, and have fun!

(NOTE TO ALL: I will be suffering, having a blast with the family at the beach this week. Might drag the old laptop along, but dunno if I’ll have time for any posts. Don’t stop reading. Check back often. I’ll update when I can!)

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Dad Blogs Family Life in these United States

A bad day of golf is still better than…?

Sad day of Golf

Monday, I took a day off work to play in an annual charity golf tournament for my wife’s company since she does not play. It’s a terrible burden that I have to shoulder, but one which I’ll gladly do in the name of…um…cough, cough….charity.

And while this was a friendly game of golf among mostly men who could not even remotely be considered professional-amateurs, there were still some pretty good prizes such as free rounds of golf ($65) as well as lots of donated gear (by local vendors UPS, PGA Tour Superstore and more…) such as $250 drivers, balls etc. This tournament, not being open to the general public, is really the only chance that average guys like myself (read: dads with too little time to play very often) will ever get to play against similarly skilled golfers for relatively nice prizes. If an average Joe tried to play in a public tournament (which I have), you’ll end up playing semi-pro or retired professionals who will suck up all the prizes and get mad at you for taking more than six or seven swings at the ball on each hole.

So this was kind of a big deal for us and most of us were taking this tournament seriously despite any “Have Fun! It’s for Charity!” hooplah the organizers were dishing out.

This year, there were four players on a team and we played typical scramble rules. This means that each player hits the ball and then everyone on the team hits their next ball from whichever previous shot was the best. So, if I hit it to the 300 yard marker, and everyone else hit to the 280, then we’d our next shot from the 300 yard spot, and so on and so forth until we got it in the hole.

We didn’t really bother with handicaps, which adjust an individual’s score up or down automatically to keep everyone on the same scoring plane, however the men all hit from one set of tees, while the ladies hit from their tees, which are closer to the pin. The thinking here is that the extra distance women get from hitting closer to the hole will basically even out any muscular benefit the men have and thus you’ll have four relatively equally skilled players on the same team even if one or more of them are women.

I said that was the “thinking,” but in actuality, it’s not that cut and dried. The fourth player on our team was a lady in her early 50s I’d say. She had all the necessary gear and she claimed to have been playing for a couple of years along with taking lessons at the local PGA Tour Superstore. So the three of us guys were thinking, “OK, she probably knows how to play. How bad could it be?”

Unfortunately, all that preparation didn’t translate on the golf course, where she could barely hit fifty yards and the only time she helped our effort was on a Par 3 where all of us men-folk put our balls into the sand (hee heeJ). Her tee, being nearly 40 yards closer, and to the right of the hazard, rolled right up onto the green and what was probably going to be a bogey for us, turned into a birdie. The rest of her game was so bad though, that I finally stopped even trying to be a cheerleader for her and started pointing out that if she hit it where she wanted to hit it, she would roll right into the water–which she did several times. So thanks.

At the end of the day, our foursome came in 6th place out of 12 teams, so right in the middle, and the only prize I got was a Titleist towel for my bag (approx. value: $8). However, the three of us men who played weren’t bad and I’m convinced that had we an equal fourth partner, we’d have made it into the top three and garnered some good prizes. And while I harbor no resentment towards our lady-player, I would just like to tell all those would-be players out there that being a newbie on the golf course is just fine…at times. I mean, we were all new players at one time or the other. But when there is money and/or prizes on the line, and you know you won’t add any value to the team, sit it out. Don’t weigh the whole team down just because you wanted to be part of the club (no pun intended).