My what smooth hands you have

At least three people in our house show the signs of having a shoe fetish (I’ll let you Postulate on which three). As such, we have a LOT of shoes. Many of these shoes tend to congregate in the garage since that’s where we generally come in and out of the house.

I dropped by my friendly neighborhood Target and picked up one of those cheapy metal cage things with dividers to store your shoes in. In addition to it being quite cheap, it is also constructed using those little plastic clips like they use in IQ tests to see if you can figure out what shape something will be in once you put it together (well, OK, in IQ tests they use origami, but it’s still just as difficult).

I finally got the thing together,IMG_2433 but it remained tenuously intact. The slightest bump, such as the one from MLE’s big plastic car flying down the driveway at 10MPH, just destroyed the thing and I’d have to spend 15 minutes looking at it like Curious George looks when he’s trying to figure out a thorny problem concerning Hundley and one of the building’s residents.

Now, a couple of years ago, I discovered the BEST glue on the planet–Gorilla Glue. If you’ve never used it, it’s this thick brown stuff that expands for about an hour after you squirt it out of the bottle. It foams up to about three times its normal size and is about as strong as…well, I don’t know, but the stuff is STRONG.

So, I whipped it out yesterday and started gluing all the shoe rack’s joints. It was getting close to the time for me to leave to pick up the boys from Daycare, so I got a tad careless with the stuff and by the time I was finished, I had it all over the garage floor, and all over my hands (later that night, I found huge clumps in my hair).
No worries,” I thought. “I’ll just rub some turpintine on it.”
But…turpintine didn’t work.

Soap didn’t work.

Even some very caustic paint remover didn’t work, but my hands did enjoy a nice chemical peel.

The glue is so tough that it stuck to the green scrubby thing I used when trying to scratch it off my fingers:


But, what all my efforts did do, was remove the big chunks of glue on my hands and spread it around my the entirety of both of my hands. It’s so thinly spread, that you can’t see it, but I can feel it. It filled in my pores so it’s like I’m wearing silk gloves. Everything I touch just sort of glides away from my grasp thanks to a lack of fingerprint texture.

When I touch my own skin (here, here and…nevermind), I can feel the pressure and I can sense the warmth, but I can’t actually feel the texture. It’s very odd.

You know…you’ll never get back the 2 minutes you spent reading this, but at the very least, I’ve informed you about the wonders and dangers of Gorilla Glue.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

4 thoughts on “My what smooth hands you have

  1. My comment got WAY too long to post here. I moved it (HERE) (caps are a link)

    As far as nail biting goes. I have been since I was a BABY. I have no nails to speak of. Honestly, I am too ashamed to talk about them on my blog – THEY ARE BAD.

    These are not my hands, but you click THIS LINK (caps are a link) you will get a pretty good idea… It’s a horrible habit, and I can not seem to be able to stop.

    Wow… You should feel pretty honored PnP… This is the first I have spoke of my CHRONIC ONYCHOPHAGIA (caps are a link) publicly… It is VERY embarrassing.


  2. Paula

    LOL!!! I’ve just gotta love a post with a good Curious George and Hundley reference!

    RE: Transformers, WordWorld, Scooby Doo, Dingo (Diego), Dorka (Dora)…none of them can compare to George. It’s only fitting then, that he’s on my mind when I need a metaphor.

  3. That truly sounds like something I would do…and so I am very grateful for the warning.

    Incidentally, my mom got me to stop biting my nails when I was a kid by bribing me with being able to wear nail polish.

    RE: God forbid my boys every go through a Goth phase and start wearing nail polish!!!

  4. romi41

    hahahaha….your blog is the best! You should try out a bunch of products and start telling us about it…seriously you are a walking comedy of errors, I love it 🙂

    RE: The crap finally all wore off about Saturday afternoon, after numerous MORE hand washings! It was a good thing too, cuz CareerMom wasn’t letting me touch her as long as I was doing my Leprosy interpretation!

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