Category: DIY

For the Do-It_Yourself person who loves to dig in and figure out how things work, and then fix them!

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Dad Blogs DIY Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

He was in the prime of his life; but, it was the housecleaning that did him in…

mopping “Daddy?” MLI said, from the top of the stairs. “We’re coming downstairs to watch some cartoons before bed because the TV up in your room is broken.”

Looking up from the floor where I sat folding laundry, “Broken? Hold on, let me come look at it. And don’t come down here! I just mopped and the floor is very slippery!”

Sighing as I placed the clothes in my hand back into the laundry basket, I tiptoed across the freshly mopped floor that was the result of the evening’s earlier Gingerbread Men Icing-fest and then headed up the stairs.

Once upstairs, I confirmed that the TV wasn’t broken; it was just showing the picture in black and white. Knowing this could mean only one thing, I wiggled A/V wires until, sure enough, the color returned.

“Yeaah Daddy!” CareerMom exclaimed.

I bowed, and then headed out the bedroom door, grabbing glasses and other items to return to the kitchen as I went.

Thinking about the twenty things I still needed to do before MY bedtime, I hurried down the stairs.

I stepped down off the last carpeted step onto the freshly mopped linoleum floor and WHOOOOOOPS! Out went my feet from under me! The many various items in my hands went flying across the kitchen and my feet went straight out in front of me! With a gi-normous “THUD!” I hit the ground.

CareerMom, having heard the noise and expecting the worst, came flying down the stairs.

“Are you OK?” Did you hurt your back?”

By this time I had rolled over onto my hands and knees. Rather than just hopping up and exclaiming, “I’m fine…nothing to see here,” like I would have ten years ago, I patiently remained nearly motionless as I took a physical inventory.

Mentally talking to myself:

“Back hurting? No.”

“Butt hurts though.”

“Why does my foot hurt? Man, that hurts like hell!”

I slowly got up and cavalierly tried to wave off CareerMom, “I’m OK.” Then, I took a step and “OUCH!”

I looked down at my foot and could see the swelling coming on. As near as I can tell without going to see a Doctor (which I’m not going to do), I, at the very least, strained some ligaments from my big toe up to my ankle. I’m not sure how one falls on his tailbone, yet torques his toe as if he’d stubbed it, but I somehow managed it.

I iced it and went to bed, only to be woken up around 2:45 with a throbber (my foot gentlemen…my foot!). I downed some “Migraine Strength” Excedrin (with caffeine as I was to find out) and laid on the couch the rest of the night and into the morning.

It’s not broken, that’s for sure. I can walk on the left side of my (left) foot pretty well, but if I put any weight on the toe portion, it’s NIAGRA FALLS!

Yeah, “Yeaah Daddy!” Graceful as a gazelle!

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Dad Blogs DIY Family Life in these United States

I’m all right, ain’t nobody worried ’bout me…

Caddyshack Gopher
got-moles

Thanks to the weather of late, I’ve not spent much time in my front yard. I also sort of let the grass grow a bit longer than I should have at the end of the season. Couple that with the fact that I thought my zoysia was just turning brown due to the cold weather and it’s no surprise I didn’t realize that my front yard had become the playground for one or more moles, until I stepped onto the turf and my foot sank nearly an inch into one of his little burrows.

See all those squiggly yellow lines on the picture there, that’s approximately where his roads criss-crosses under the ground. (“…criss-cross’ll make you, JUMP, JUMP…”) You can tell by following the really white (read: Dead) lines in the grass.mole problem

This is no laughing matter. I suspect what happened is, that once I fixed my backyard landscaping, and low-teched a way to keep the bird seed from raining down on the ground, when his food source dried up, the little booger bored his way to my front yard where the steep slope is perpetually moist and makes for easy digging!

This past Saturday, after realizing the problem, and after having stomped down more than 30 feet of my prized, yet burrowed up lawn, it wasn’t but a few hours later that I noticed he’d come right back through and dug some of it back up!

My dogs are no help. They did manage to catch a mole in the backyard once, but he was so cute, that I let him go.

Oh the poor choices I’ve made in the past!!

I have since purchased some mole grub from the local hardware store. It looks like gummy worms, but it’s laced with some kinda special poison. You’re supposed to refrain from stomping on his runs (oopsy!) and instead, poke a little hole in one of his burrows and drop the little arsenic-laced gummy worm in the hole and then hope he comes back its way and dines on the tasty treat.

I dunno…I don’t have high hopes.

I fear that, come spring, my yard is going to look line someone took rock salt and played “Island of Sodor” (“Hey mom, let’s follow the tracks!“) on my lawn.

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Dad Blogs DIY Family Fatherhood

Just because they showed up to collect the money, is no guarantee that they’ll show up to do the work… and if they do… I can’t pay for it!

Since I know that many of you are awaiting with baited breath (what would that smell like? Baited Breath?) to hear what will become of my backyard, I thought I’d update you.

If you remember, last time I blogged about my slowly eroding backyard, I was in turmoil over the thought of spending gadzooks of cash on a retaining wall and/or loads of plant material. But you’ll be happy to know that I made a decision.

Taking the advice of three “experts” on erosion, I have decided to forego the retaining wall (at least for now) and in the words of my Civil Engineer, we’re instead going to just, “Plant the shit out of it.”

Pardon the language.

The first contractor my Engineer recommended, apparently wasn’t hungry enough in this economy to give me a good deal. In fact, he didn’t even show up with a tape measure, and instead used the old, “I’m just gonna step off the length here and guesstimate” method of measuring. Which, I’m all for unless we’re talking about a great deal of money riding on the actual size of the project, which we are. He also didn’t include in his estimate, any additional dirt to fix the low spots, or bobcat work, or erosion mat, or anything like the second guy did. I may need someone to come do the work for me, but I’m not an idiot. I know what needs to be done.

The second guy came, with a TAPE MEASURE (Haaaallellujah!) and did actual measurements and then provided me with an estimate that, while still expensive, was not a whole lot more than I could have done it for by myself. AND, he could start today, which tells me that he is hungry and clearly not terribly busy right now.

Contractor #1 – Ill-prepared and playing me for a sucker

Contractor #2 – Well prepared and giving me a more than fair price

“When can you start?”

But, my backyard can be broken into three sections. The right side, I’ve already landscaped and put in some steps leading down so that I, and the kids, can access the creek and bamboo farm at the bottom without busting our crowns in a tumble:

hillside landscaping 1

See those elephant ear plants there? They are freakin’ HUGE! Each leaf is about the size of a beach ball. It does like it some hillside!

The opposite side of the yard, is the left side and it is really steep. There is also enough dirt left over there that I’m not so much worried about “fixing” it as I am about just keeping it from getting worse. So, this weekend I went around and scarfed up some great deals on some Maple trees and planted five of them on the hillside, along with two nice River Birch sets that I got from a local nursery. I also extended the cheapo-deluxe corrugated drain pipe so that it doesn’t deposit all the water on the middle of the slope (brilliant! those original builders!)

hillside landscaping 3

I also got some fairly cheap wire and some wooden stakes and made little aprons for the front of the tree so that I can mulch around them without it running down the hill.

It was hard work doing all this on the hill, but I’m happy with the way it turned out and I think it’s going to be really nice when the trees grow in, in a few years.

This just leaves the 80 foot long section in the middle, which my contractor is hopefully gonna fix for me:

IMG_2498

So, let’s just hope now that my contractor actually starts today and that we don’t have a “Money Pit” situation on our hands, “Yeah, I’m gonna need another check before I can do any more work…”

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Dad Blogs DIY Family Life in these United States

Cuz, losing a 2nd cousin this past week wasn’t enough

grand canyon I really just want to cry. I want to curl up in bed and watch old re-runs of Family Ties until all my troubles go away. I want to drink really vile manly drinks with names like Rusty Nail and Beer Buster until I can’t think straight. I want to try some safe new drug that doesn’t jack me up, but rather knocks me out until my savings account has reached some astronomically large amount to where what’s bugging me, doesn’t bug me anymore because I’ll have the means to fix it.

What’s that?

Oh. Sorry…a little history for those of you at home. Basically, I’m losing my backyard to erosion.

And we’re not talking about a little erosion here, we’re talking about foundation exposing, trees falling off the side of the cliff erosion. All to the tune of $25 thousand to fix erosion. That’s what I’m stressing over.

When we bought this house two years ago, a tornado had just finished ripping through the backyard. And while everyone else left their downed trees to be reclaimed by nature, the previous owner of our house opted to clean it all up.

It looked great. It gave us a bit of a backyard down at the bottom where it leveled out; we’ll take it! SOLD!
Unfortunately, it also took away all the trees and mulch that were holding the hill in place. And now I am left with the REAL aftermath.

I’ve had three “experts” in to qualify the problem and propose a fix. And even in “this economy,” where you’d think you could catch a break on labor costs, here’s what I’ve gotten:

Option #1

  • “You need a retaining wall about “head high.”  A retaining wall “head high” means one about 7′ tall and about 100′ wide. The materials alone come out to around $8 grand, and then you add on the labor costs and you’re hitting about $15K.

Option #2

  • “For the money, unless you just want to spend $16K, I would just come in here with a drip irrigation system and plant the shit out of it. I mean, plants all over it.”  This would run me about $9K

Now, “if money weren’t an object” the optimum solution would be a two-tier retaining wall system with the plants, but since money IS an object, I have NO FRIGGIN IDEA WHAT TO DO!

But do you see my quandry? What if I spend $9K on plants and it doesn’t fix the problem? I mean, that’s a butt-load of money to put on something that “might” work. The contractor is pretty confident it will, but…I don’t share his optimism.

I keep thinking, “OK, you put up a 7′ retaining wall and you’ve at least got SOMETHING. I mean, if I suddenly fell off the hill, at least the wall would catch me right? Has a Juniper bush  ever stopped a person from falling off a hill? I don’t think so.”

Oh, also part of the problem is that we don’t HAVE the money to do this, but we don’t really have a choice. We HAVE to do this. Only, which one do you do? Do you go the less expensive route and hope it works, or do you go the more expensive route and hope it works? Or, do you bite the bullet and do them both figuring, “Hey, if one is good, then two should be even better?”

Seriously, where’s the booze, cuz I could really use something stronger than my reality right now!