It’s feelin’ just a little bit like Office Space around here these days

When I was eight and playing pine-cone wars with my buds back in Lower Alabama (LA), I never would have dreamed that one day, I’d be doing what I do, or that I’d do some of the things that I’ve done in my life; like working in the DoD and…yeah, that’s pretty much it for the cool stuff.

But also, growing up, I never would have thought I’d end up married to a woman who works full time and we’d be putting our kids in a daycare to be raised by perfect strangers.

I’m not sure where I thought my life would take me, but I’m sure it wasn’t a house in the burbs of Atlanta and exotic family vacations to…the beach.

Looking back, it’s amazing how far off I’ve drifted from “The Plan.” Granted, I didn’t have much of a plan, but I had dreams man! I was gonna do things! I’m not sure what, but THINGS!

I had ambition too. Money…oh! I always wanted to make lots of money, but that was just Alex P. Keaton talking and truthfully, I never completely got that out of my system.

But it’s funny how time changes you isn’t it? The things that you thought were important to you then, are now just footnotes at the bottom of the page, “***Chris was going to do so and so, but then kids came along…”

For the most part, I don’t have regrets. I mean, I did things. Sure, maybe I didn’t travel the world, but knowing what I know now about hygiene and bathrooms in other countries, I’m not so sure it was a loss. But, there is one thing that has changed about me though and perhaps it’s the most surprising since it’s really the one thing that I could still have–the one thing that my life hasn’t thrown up a bar against–ambition!

Do you remember when you started your first REAL job? Do you remember being on the bottom of the totem pole and just grinding your teeth every day and thinking to yourself, “Just wait, one day I’ll be the boss, you just wait and see.” I had that once. I still do–sorta–but now it comes with conditions, such as:but it now comes with conditions. Such as:

  • I want to be the boss, AND still be able to walk away from work at the end of the day without having to spend hours upon hours checking e-mail in the wee hours of the night while my family sleeps
  • I want the money, but I don’t want to spend all my time in useless meetings talking about “high level overviews” and “program guidance.”
  • I want the vacation house and all the perks, but I don’t want to have to have an “office” at my vacation house so I can stay in touch with work

Basically, I want my cake, and of course I want to eat it. What else would you do with cake?

So I find myself at war with…myself…over work. As it is with most companies, at my job, I’m expected to constantly grow in my career. I’m supposed to WANT to get out and get involved in new things, which inevitably means adding more work onto my existing work load, which screws with my aforementioned “wants.” It’s expected that I want to climb the corporate ladder and I do; no really I do. I just don’t want all that other crap that comes with it.

To put it plainly, I’ve lost my ambition. Maybe that’s not quite right, I still have my ambition, but I don’t want all the strings that seem to come attached with it. Does that make sense?

Sometimes I look at my mom up in rural PA and think, “Dang, that’s the life. It’s simple and it’s beautiful up there, and she doesn’t have a care in the world (as she snorts loudly while reading this).”  But then, I realize that it too has its problems. Everyone’s life has its problems…we all just hide it behind happy faces and platitudes. Man, what a crappy way to go through life. I’m really working on this whole acceptance thing. Hey, don’t sugar coat it–I’m not getting any younger and the things that I dreamt of as a young man, are by and large never gonna happen if they haven’t happened yet, so I just need to suck it up and “accept” that things are the way they are and try to make the best of it.

(This sounds like a mid-life crisis I know.)

It can’t be just me right? Did you have a Plan? Have you accomplished it? If not, why? I’m curious how many people’s lives actually worked out the way they thought it would.

Remember, the Meme you save, may be your own!

caution signB ikini over at Pantsfreesia (also a lady whom I work with in a remote kinda way) tagged me for a meme, I suspect largely because I’ve been a bit of a bummer lately and the goings on at work didn’t help and I figure she knows I needed a diversion.

Now, I’ve never “memed” in my life–that I know of–and though I had an idea what a meme was, I had to look it up. It seems there are rules to this memeing and so I’m going to give it my best shot and see what happens.

This particular Meme originated from Mommy Needs Therapy and has made its way down to my proverbial neck of the Internet. The idea is to write a six-word memoir of your life.

Egad! Six words? Folks, I’ve never summed anything up in my life in less than 20 words (er…except maybe that time when my motorcycle went skidding out of control on some pinestraw and I could see a big tree coming up quickly on my left side and I couldn’t do anything about it. I think I uttered two very succinct words then, “Oh” and “SHI*!”)

In addition to the six-word memoir, here are the other rules:
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  • Write your own six word memoir.
  • Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.
  • Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogsphere
  • Tag 5 more blogs with links
  • Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

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So, without further ado, here’s my memoir:

…*sigh*…this is difficult….”Satisfactory goals, unsatisfactorily met, looking forward”

I realize this sounds horribly egocentric, but after all, it’s my memoir, not my eulogy. I hope my eulogy is significantly more upbeat, being delivered by my uber-successful children and a wife who didn’t spend her best years helping me get up out of my chair because I over-extended myself.

Duty done, now I’m passing this along.

TAG! The following people are IT:

– Trisha over at TrishaTruly
– Leighton over at My Best Investments
BirdPress
Father of Five (cuz dude, with that many kids, I KNOW you’ve got a memoir waiting in the wings!)
– Allison at That’s What She Blogged

There now…all done!

Oh, and don’t forget that there’s a Woot!-off going on today!

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