Forget food-price-gauging ethanol production; forget uber-expensive hybrid vehicles, and forget flux capacitors; I have a way to cut down on the demand for gasoline going into the hot summer months when everyone is racing to the beaches and casinos. I’d like to start a campaign called,
“Take A Kid On Vacation!” or TAKOV!
TAKOV! is a grass-roots campaign (by me) to bring awareness to those not yet blessed with their own little ones, and who still drive around everywhere in their sports cars, convertibles and mammoth SUVs, caring little for those of us with kids languishing in uncomfortable car seats for hours on end.
Here’s how the program works (in theory, though I’m still working out a few details):
Step 1:
You and your childless lover decide where you want to go on vacation together. The only rules are that you must drive, and the vacation location must be at least four hours away from your point of origin.
Step 2:
Contact TAKOV! and request a child, under the age of 6, to go with you. TAKOV! will comb through its extensive list of available children to find one (or 2?) who would best fit your vacation itinerary.
Step 3:
On the day of your vacation, pick up your TAKOV! child at a mutually agreed upon convenient location. TAKOV! will provide toys only, NO SNACKS. You are responsible for providing all food and drink for your TAKOV! child.
Step 4:
Enjoy your vacation!
The program works by ensuring that after taking at least one child on a long drive, the couple will never want to do it again, thus reducing the number of people flying or driving anywhere this summer. It may even have the added benefit of completely changing some couples’ minds about having children altogether, thereby also helping to solve that pesky population problem.
TAKOV! is also providing, free of charge, this handy-dandy list of things to bring along on the trip:
- Headphones
- Earplugs
- Lots of sugary drinks
- Lots of sugary snacks
- Percocet/Valium
- Long-handled fly swatter (use your imagination here)
- Rooftop car carrier (for all of the kids’ stuff)
- DVD portable entertainment system, if your vehicle is not so equipped
- Books
- Anything that makes a noise
- Sippy cup w/ill-fitting top
So do your part, join TAKOV! by signing your child up for a wonderful vacation with a needy, childless family TODAY! (no prescreening necessary!)
(Author’s Note: Yes, we drove to Grammy’s house this weekend!)
Postulates & Pastimes 
That is hysterically funny!! What a great idea! I think it could actually catch on!
Re: It’s funny, but I see we still have no takers!!
I have a secret weapon that could throw a wrench into your entire plan. If you throw a really cool brother-in-law (to me, an uncle to my imp) in the backseat on your trek southeast….who draws pictures for your child…and lets her eat your cool sweet potato pies from Pop-eyes??…and lets her drink your sweet tea– well, you child acts remarkably saint-like and makes you plan to make the same trip a year later.
*I have the coolest brother-in-law ever.
*I can’t wait to leave for vacation.
RE: Ah, but see, this assumes that your backseat is large enough to accomodate two carseats and a BIL. Ours is not, sadly.
We have a Hyundai Santa Fe (mini SUV) and with the two seats in there, there’s about 14 inches between them, which no manly man could possibly fit and the only way even my wife fits is to sit pretty much on one thigh.
It’s not comfy and definately not workable, long term.
I’ve heard about you people with your children that sleep on car rides and who act like it’s the funnest time ever to be on a roadtrip. I don’t like you people!
I’m fortunate enough that as long as the DVD player works my 4 year old is happy! The 8 year old nephew on the other hand repeatedly asks “are we there yet”? The two of them together are like oil and water so our family travel time has come to an end…at least with my sister and I taking our kids in the same vehicle.
But I will volunteer to take your boys. I can assure you that the two of them with mine will be much better than the two nephews and mine!
RE: In truth, it’s most MLE at this point drives me nuts in the car. MLI was the same way at that age. With a 1-minute attention span, he’ll do something and then throw it and then start that, “Uhhhhh, Uhhhhhh, Uhhhhh” until we give him something else to do…for one minute. MLI mostly sits there and watches the DVD or plays. He’s not so bad anymore.
Wow…I’m thinking that the drive to grammy’s house flew by and that you’d like to do it all over again ten more times this summer…
…did I get that right? 😉