My Solution to the Gas Crisis!

vacationForget food-price-gauging ethanol production; forget uber-expensive hybrid vehicles, and forget flux capacitors; I have a way to cut down on the demand for gasoline going into the hot summer months when everyone is racing to the beaches and casinos. I’d like to start a campaign called,
“Take A Kid On Vacation!” or TAKOV!

TAKOV! is a grass-roots campaign (by me) to bring awareness to those not yet blessed with their own little ones, and who still drive around everywhere in their sports cars, convertibles and mammoth SUVs, caring little for those of us with kids languishing in uncomfortable car seats for hours on end.

Here’s how the program works (in theory, though I’m still working out a few details):

Step 1:
You and your childless lover decide where you want to go on vacation together. The only rules are that you must drive, and the vacation location must be at least four hours away from your point of origin.

Step 2:
Contact TAKOV! and request a child, under the age of 6, to go with you. TAKOV! will comb through its extensive list of available children to find one (or 2?) who would best fit your vacation itinerary.

Step 3:
On the day of your vacation, pick up your TAKOV! child at a mutually agreed upon convenient location. TAKOV! will provide toys only, NO SNACKS. You are responsible for providing all food and drink for your TAKOV! child.

Step 4:
Enjoy your vacation!

The program works by ensuring that after taking at least one child on a long drive, the couple will never want to do it again, thus reducing the number of people flying or driving anywhere this summer. It may even have the added benefit of completely changing some couples’ minds about having children altogether, thereby also helping to solve that pesky population problem.

TAKOV! is also providing, free of charge, this handy-dandy list of things to bring along on the trip:

  • Headphones
  • Earplugs
  • Lots of sugary drinks
  • Lots of sugary snacks
  • Percocet/Valium
  • Long-handled fly swatter (use your imagination here)
  • Rooftop car carrier (for all of the kids’ stuff)
  • DVD portable entertainment system, if your vehicle is not so equipped
  • Books
  • Anything that makes a noise
  • Sippy cup w/ill-fitting top

So do your part, join TAKOV! by signing your child up for a wonderful vacation with a needy, childless family TODAY! (no prescreening necessary!)

(Author’s Note: Yes, we drove to Grammy’s house this weekend!)