“Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.”

image I’m not sure which activity I find most distasteful this time of year–taxes, or my annual review at work.

I guess at least with taxes, I can determine when I do it and how much of its crap I’m willing to put up with at any given time.

Not so with personal reviews.

Both CareerMom and I have reviews at the same time each year, so I would imagine that it’s nearly the same for other companies. For my company, imagine that there’s this big pool of cash (or not so big, depending) that they have to divy out in the form of bonuses. There’s also a scale running from…I dunno…like 4, 3, 2, 2+, 1, or something like that. I don’t claim to understand it; all’s I know is the closer to “1” you get, the better you are and supposedly, the more money you get. (psst…I happen to think it’s all a bunch of crap. I mean, if the company as a whole, has posted sucky numbers, then how can you give anyone an excellent rating?)

For two years now, I have gotten a “2,” which my company defines as:

Solid Contributor
Consistently meets job responsibilities; is reliable in doing job; demonstrates appropriate levels of knowledge, skill, effectiveness and initiative.

Doesn’t sound too bad right? Considering the next step is someone who:

Goes above and beyond job responsibilities; outperforms most peers; finds ways to grow scope and impact

…I can live with it. But I think what grates me though, is that I’m the only person who does what I do in my entire wing of the company. So, even if I were only skating by, which I’m not, there’s no one around who is qualified to say whether or not my work is up to par with others doing my same job. And considering these ratings are looked at when you apply for another position in the company, it’s kinda a big deal.

Anyway, a rather curious outcome of my review recently was that my Director stated, “The only negative I have about you, is that you’re not assertive enough.”

*I’ll wait for all of the snorting and guffawing to die down before continuing…*

Yes folks, I apparently let people walk all over me.

A colleague of mine postulated that in fact, I was assertive, just not in the right way, no doubt referring to an outburst I had year before last after being transferred to my 6th manager in 12 month’s time. But no, there’s been no such outburst this year and if I’m honest, my Director might be right. I have been quieter this year, but only because I have gotten so tired of beating my head against the wall trying to get things done, that I just sort of shut down.

In my manager’s advice to me, he told me I shouldn’t let people of a lower band (our jobs are given “bands” based on pay scales and duties) dictate to me what I can and can’t do. I’ll agree with that, except there’s a flaw in his advice. He, as a Director, is privy to other people’s bands; I am not. All I can go by is a person’s title, and here at my company, a person can pretty much give him or herself whatever title they please. So it’s hard to know if little Suzy Blowhard is a band 10, or a band 6.

But this all has me considering new job titles for the new year. Feel free to vote on your favorite:

  • Super-duper Writer Man
  • Editor of all things relating to stuff my company sells
  • Manager of everything I touch
  • The guy who just wants to do his job and go home
  • Head Word Czar
  • suggestions?

(P.S. Yes, I know. I am VERY grateful I have a job at all, much less one that pays bonuses. In fact, this is my first company, in nearly 17 years of work, that does.)

4 thoughts on ““Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.”

  1. I like Head Word Czar, myself. But if it were me, I would choose to give myself the title of The Boss of all that is seen and unseen around here. Sort of lenghty, I know, but hell, if you’re the only one in that department, then who gives a shit?

    Your company sounds oh so very much like my husband’s former company (which is now bankrupt — yayyy!), he put up with crap for over 20 years… beating his head against the wall for nothing. He only made it to a band 9. He’s much happier now in his new company with a true title and income he deserves.

    I hate annual reviews. Who the hell are “they” to review you, anyway. All they see is what you want them to see anyway. And even then, they make up their own minds about things way before review time. Certain things just sort of stick in their little brains and they can’t get past it.

    OK, I’ll shut up now. šŸ˜†

  2. I also vote for Head Word Czar. Or…STFU You Don’t Know My Job. Or….Walk on Me, I Kill You. Lots of possibilities here.

    I also took it upon myself to change my job title. I refer to myself as a Molder of Minds. It works for me.

    RE: Oooh, good one. Not sure how that would fly on my cubicle name tag though.

  3. Your title NEEDS to have Czar in there somewhere, and gosh, that Suzy Blowhard works at your company now? Well I’m glad I don’t have to deal with her anymore, she was a pain in the A$$ šŸ™‚

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