Category: Dad Blogs

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My Solution to the Gas Crisis!

vacationForget food-price-gauging ethanol production; forget uber-expensive hybrid vehicles, and forget flux capacitors; I have a way to cut down on the demand for gasoline going into the hot summer months when everyone is racing to the beaches and casinos. I’d like to start a campaign called,
“Take A Kid On Vacation!” or TAKOV!

TAKOV! is a grass-roots campaign (by me) to bring awareness to those not yet blessed with their own little ones, and who still drive around everywhere in their sports cars, convertibles and mammoth SUVs, caring little for those of us with kids languishing in uncomfortable car seats for hours on end.

Here’s how the program works (in theory, though I’m still working out a few details):

Step 1:
You and your childless lover decide where you want to go on vacation together. The only rules are that you must drive, and the vacation location must be at least four hours away from your point of origin.

Step 2:
Contact TAKOV! and request a child, under the age of 6, to go with you. TAKOV! will comb through its extensive list of available children to find one (or 2?) who would best fit your vacation itinerary.

Step 3:
On the day of your vacation, pick up your TAKOV! child at a mutually agreed upon convenient location. TAKOV! will provide toys only, NO SNACKS. You are responsible for providing all food and drink for your TAKOV! child.

Step 4:
Enjoy your vacation!

The program works by ensuring that after taking at least one child on a long drive, the couple will never want to do it again, thus reducing the number of people flying or driving anywhere this summer. It may even have the added benefit of completely changing some couples’ minds about having children altogether, thereby also helping to solve that pesky population problem.

TAKOV! is also providing, free of charge, this handy-dandy list of things to bring along on the trip:

  • Headphones
  • Earplugs
  • Lots of sugary drinks
  • Lots of sugary snacks
  • Percocet/Valium
  • Long-handled fly swatter (use your imagination here)
  • Rooftop car carrier (for all of the kids’ stuff)
  • DVD portable entertainment system, if your vehicle is not so equipped
  • Books
  • Anything that makes a noise
  • Sippy cup w/ill-fitting top

So do your part, join TAKOV! by signing your child up for a wonderful vacation with a needy, childless family TODAY! (no prescreening necessary!)

(Author’s Note: Yes, we drove to Grammy’s house this weekend!)

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Hollywood, is not America…(ripped off Blessed Union of Souls new song)

hollywood stars I’m considering changing my nickname for MLI because he’s really starting to come into his own. He’s still not “out there” when it comes to new situations, but when he’s around his homey’s, he’s quite the little leader.

And I got to thinking this morning, based on their personalities today, what if I were to compare my two boys to any movie character, who would they most resemble? I think it will be interesting in about 15 years to look back and see if they’ve changed all that much and if so, how.

So, without further ado, I present my lil’ fellars as Hollywood characters:

MLI = The Wizard of Oz!

I know, I know, it’s kinda hokey but lemme explain! MLI is bright, energetic and just a tad on the eccentric side. In the words of the trampy cocktail hostess in Swingers, “…he’s the guy behind the guy…”

MLI will probably never be a Fortune 500 CEO, but not because he doesn’t have the brains for it. More like, I’ll never be able to afford the Ivy League business school that’s required. No, MLI will be the quiet power broker working the deals behind the scenes. He’ll be the Karl Rove (with more hair) of whatever endeavor he throws himself into. And if people don’t like it, he’ll slip on his Batman costume and bust some caps!

MLE = Bodhi from “Point Break”

I’ll admit that this is just a little bit of me wanting to live the super-cool surfer life and I think MLE and his blonde hair and his “Dude, whatever! It looks like a rush so let’s do it!” attitude would fit the bill nicely. MLE can charm the pants off anyone and could probably hold up a bank with his smile alone. If he can just work off that baby fat belly and get those oh-so-sexy washboard abs, he’ll put even Swayze (in his younger days) to shame!

So I thought this was fun and I know most of my readers have kids, so why don’t you either blog about your kids or leave me a comment about them and tell me which movie character they most resemble, and why!

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Dad Blogs

"I, state your name…"

jury dutyTomorrow, my dear friends, is the day I have to drive back downtown and make up my day o’ standby Jury Duty. You’ll recall how I dragged a leg down there last time after having pulled my back out and threw myself on the mercy of the passionless woman behind the bulletproof glass at the clerk’s office. She was moved only as much as it took to postpone my sentencing service to my county.

An interesting commentary on Atlanta: I lived in Cobb County for nearly 10 years without ever being tagged for Jury Duty. Cobb County is a WASP area just NW of Atlanta where crime is very low. I’ve lived in Fulton County, where the city of Atlanta resides, and in just over a year and a half, I got tagged. Sure, the crime is higher in Atlanta, but the population pool is also much higher. My getting called so quickly should tell you something about the underbelly of the south!

Anyway, I am packed and prepared for nine hours of doing nothing. My goodie bag includes:

  1. two books
  2. 1 can of V8
  3. 1 fiber bar thingy to keep me “regular” since I’ll not be getting any exercise to keep things flowing smoothly
  4. my cell phone to call and complain to all my friends and family about how bored I am
  5. 1 beverage of choice, and don’t think I’m kidding when I say that I am seriously considering spiking it with a little of the “colorless” and “odorless” spirit of choice.

Course…it’ll be my luck that just when I’m feeling good, I’ll get called back and they’ll ask me, “How do you feel about capital (capitol?) punishment?” And I’ll reply with, “I love it!” and then they’ll say, “Dismissed!” and then I’ll have to sit on the curb outside the courthouse like some downtown whino while I sober up enough to drive.

It’s a toss up really.

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Dad Blogs

You just thought I took a day off!

I forgot to mention that I stuck a new post up over at DadBloggers so hop on over there and give some hardworking Dad’s some LUV!

Do the clicky thing HERE