Categories
Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Parenting Haiku

haiku Like so many other things, we Americans have taken something from somewhere else, and made it our own. Such is the case with what we call “Haiku.” Though traditional Japanese Haiku was very structured, they didn’t conform to “syllables” so much as we do; instead, they were concerned with “sound units,” which simply put, are syllables.

Whatever. They are simple, direct and I like ’em!

Tiny childlike spoons
The dishwasher eats them up
I cut my hand

Your nails grow so fast
That I can’t keep up with them
Hey! Stop wiggling!

One more die cast toy
On my kitchen floor at night
My sanity gone

There’s milk on the floor
There’s milk stains on my carpet
No milk for daddy

Good Lord what’s that smell?
Coming from the closet there
Diaper Genie sucks!

You aren’t old enough
Yet to be doing that there
Leave your penis be!

This same book I’ve read
More times than I care to count
Aren’t you tired of it?

I don’t know why son
I don’t know everything (yet)
Leave me alone please

Double doors, both locked
I sit silently and still
Ah, bathroom is mine!

You’re so sweet asleep
When you aren’t clawing at me
But your breath doth stink!

There’s lots more where that came from. I’d love to hear yours!

Also, if you like poetry from non Europeans or Americans, I would highly recommend Kahlil Gibran. “The Prophet” is especially nice.

Categories
Dad Blogs Family Marriage

Crap…it’s almost the weekend

payday Start rationing bread! Wait, only one glass of milk! Save money…CONSERVE, CONSERVE, CONSERVE!

What? No, I don’t live in Texas and I’m not hoarding supplies for the pending hurricane! Nope, I’m conserving because we have THREE WEEKENDS IN THIS PAYDAY!

(insert Sam Kennison-like scream here!)

If you’re like me, you’ve already spent the bulk of your paycheck by 8 p.m. of the day you get it and each weekend, when you have kids, is like opening the drain in the bathtub and waving your money goodbye as it leaks away, mostly by dragging the kids around trying to keep them happy.

So when there are three weekends in a pay period, I start getting worried. Worried because, as the temperatures continue to soar, along with the humidity, there’s only so much sitting in the house, or walking around the mall (without actually buying anything) that I can take.

There should be a law against three-weekend pay periods, or at least a moratorium on gas prices on the weekend so that those with kids can drive outside their usual sphere of influence in search of activity diversity.

Oh, but there IS college football and that should be good a few hours at least!

Categories
Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States

The truth about parenting

fall pumpkinsThere are axioms to parenting and raising children, no doubt more than I will ever remember. I’m reminded of them from time to time while raising my own kids, and while watching others.

Some of the truisms I’ve found include:

  • Snotty noses will run when gramma comes, driving her crazy until she has to reach out and wipe…and make a comment about it
  • Expensive toys are no match for cardboard boxes and plastic lids
  • A baby will have an “accident” at the least opportune time; usually coinciding with your having recently run out of diapers and/or wipes in your vehicle
  • Whatever food they LOVED last week, they will turn their nose up at this week
  • Whatever you have planned for the day–fuhgettaboutit! (ain’t that right Mike?)
  • If one child has a toy, the other wants it…at least until the other loses interest in it

There are more I’m sure.

Anyway, this weekend, despite the 90 degree temps, CareerMom and I got into a “fall” kinda mood. She broke out the bins of decorations, and I watched while switching off and on between playing with the boys, and rolling around on the carpet trying to stretch out my back.

My neighbor up the street always puts out a big yard display for fall and this year, I wanted to join in (read: compete for neighborly affections). I’ve been looking online for some outdoor pumpkins that light up and had been unsuccessful in the “sub-$50” range. But we have a store here called “Old Time Pottery.” It’s kinda like the Wal-Mart of crafty stores. So I scooped up MLI and we headed out for a shopping spree.

When you first walk in this store, you are assaulted with dozens of those recently popular blow up yard-art things (which I secretly crave, but know that CareerMom would cringe over) and MLI LOVED IT! He ran from one to another, his face all lit up with the possibilities! I hated to break the news to him that I’m not man enough to put one up in our yard and face CareerMom over it, so I just nodded my head and suggested that perhaps we “move along.”

They also have a huge selection of candles and such and one of mine and MLI’s favorite things to do is smell the candles.

And here is where I was reminded of yet another parenting truism:

  • If you put a kid around glass objects, something will get broken

As we popped the tops off of one candle after another, I heard a “smash!” and looked over at MLI holding the top of a candle while the rest of it lay in pieces at his feet on the concrete floor. The poor kid looked horrified and I was immediately reminded of how my first adopted mom would get incensed if I went outside and got dirty, usually resulting in, at best, a stern scolding.

I quickly went to him, grabbed the glass candle top from his hands and, while looking around, carefully used my shoe to scooch the broken glass under the display (hey, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt you know!). I told him it was OK, but that we had to be very careful.

What really got to me though was the look on his face…as if he thought I was going to immediately grab him and starting wailing on his bare bottom. I know exactly what he was feeling; I felt it many times (and experienced it in many forms) when I was his age.

Right then I vowed to never react that way to him. It’ll be tough the older he gets. Such as the first time he wrecks the car–when he starts disobeying and disrespecting my authority–when he gets his girlfriend…nevermind, you get the point.

Which reminded me of a parenting truism that I would do well to never forget:

  • Our children pattern themselves after us

I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best.

Categories
Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

I’m beginning to suspect a pattern

patterns Remember back a couple of Friday’s ago…I was looking forward to a nice work from home day and then MLE puked on the way to daycare, only to come home and seem to feel fine the rest of the day.

Well, we made it to 10 a.m. today. I got a call from daycare, “Oh hi. I just wanted to let you know that MLE doesn’t seem to feel well. He’s been…well…just not himself and he keeps pulling on his right ear.”

I know this teacher and she’s not one to overreact, and I know that MLI and I have both been fighting a cold, so I told her I’d come pick him up.

When I arrived, he was standing on top of a bin of toys cackling. On the way home from daycare, he nursed a bottle and made faces at me as I drove.

Since we’ve been home, he’s destroyed the pantry; pulling down everything he could get his hands on. He’s eaten half my lunch Cheeto’s and now he’s playing with his brother’s light saber and making realistic “whonk whonk” noises as he stabs imaginary Sith Lords.

Sick? I don’t think so.

A big fat faker? I’m leaning in that general direction.

Oh, and three days and counting till CareerMom heads out to Colorado for a week. She says she’s not looking forward to it, but lemme see…while in Colorado, you get to stay in a nice hotel and sleep later than you do at home. But, you work during the day, except for the last day when they get free time. There are usually coordinated dinners at night at really nice restaurants (and unlimited good wine) that if you really really wanted to, you could find an excuse to get out of.

vs.

The usual rat race here at home, complete with leftovers from this week that I’ve managed to put away to make life easier for myself next week.

I know what I’d vote for.