How did I get so jaded?

image Lying in bed a couple of mornings ago–briefly–with a cup of hot life in my hand, a commercial for “Valentine’s Day” came on the TV.

Me: “Man…Valentines is this weekend?”

CareerMom:Ungh.”

She might have said, “Aaaagh” though. I’m not sure. It’s hard to decipher anything she says right now before she gets food in her; because, until she can talk without the threat of projectile vomiting, whatever she says is likely to come out sounding like the quick expanse of air that results from being hit in the stomach.

When did Valentines become a chore? This week MLI has to bring a “Crazy Sock” filled with candy for a friend in his class. MLE has to do Valentines for all the other 2-year olds in his class. I mean come on! Valentines for two-year-olds? Can we just call it what it really is please–a diversion to keep the screaming kiddies happy for an hour!

And forget trying to do anything romantic with CareerMom right now. The only way that’s going to happen is if the following set of coincidences occur (in this order):

  • We can get the kids fed and in bed before 8 p.m.
  • We find a safe alternative to speed that we can give CareerMom to keep her awake
  • Her “all day sickness” subsides at night rather than gets worse like it usually does
  • I can get myself excited over flannel PJs (that was soooo mean!)

In truth, we’ve not had good Valentines experiences. In the 9 years we’ve been married, two of our Valentines’ have ended in either one, or both of us, at the emergency room; once with our Weimaraner. Long story. Also, since we were also watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” when one event occurred, that movie is forever banished from our home (it would have been anyway since it’s just dreadful on its own merits).

Anyway, we have told each other that there will be no gifts this Valentines, and though I’ve never tested it, I’m pretty confident that she actually means it, rather than just saying it while fully expecting me to ignore her request and going out and getting her something shiny and new.

Somewhere, someone is out there saying, “You should put forth more of an effort. You and your wife need time alone together.”

Yep, I agree. Now, if you’ll just move some of my family (who have no other grandchildren) into my local area so they can watch the kids, OR find a teenage babysitter who is both A) responsible and B) not popular with her friends so that she’s home at night, then maybe we can do it.

P.S. There will be cards…and some sort of “special dinner.” I’m not yet sure whether I want to wait and eat AFTER the kids are in bed, or just go through with it while they are awake. I mean, either way, there will be no post-delicious-dinner lovin’, so it’s not as if the kids are going to kill the mood or anything.

What about you? Is Valentines celebrated in your house?

Who said love was “free”?

cards.jpgUnless you’re unattached (physically, not emotionally) to another person, you are probably aware that today is Valentines Day (should it be “Valentine’s Day” in the possessive form?). That means for the last few days, commercials have bombarded us with portrayals of lazy, procrastinating boyfriends and/or husbands busily running over to Target and/or the Hallmark store to find some last-minute doo-dad for his lover.

Generally speaking, I pride myself on not falling into this bucket. And since CareerMom and I sort of celebrated V-Day at the Ritz-Carlton last week (see: Wouldn’t You Like to Get Away for a complete play-by-play), I didn’t put too much thought into getting anything for actual Valentines day until I realized that I should probably get something for the boys to give to Mommy. She’d like that.

So, I trotted over to Target yesterday figuring I’d get her a card from me and one from the boys and if I was lucky, I’d find one of those candy ring-pops CareerMom had explained to me last week was her favorite candy as a little girl.

I walked into Target and the cards are pretty much the first three rows you encounter as you come in and let me tell you folks, the commercials leading up to Valentines day are waaaay off. There wasn’t a single guy there yesterday. It was all women, who, one would assume, were all getting their last-minute Valentines Day shopping done. And pushy! I darn near had to get rude just to get near the rack. Between the plus-sized models covering several square-feet of rack space, to the purse-laden carts that women won’t let get more than 8” away from their bodies, it was like trying to touch Sammy Hagar at a Van Halen reunion concert! It just wasn’t happening.

I muttered, “Forget this!” and walked around to the other side where they keep the nondescript cards that just say, “Love” on them and grabbed one, figuring I’d just fill in the rest. I also grabbed a card from the boys that they could color and give to her.

Having gotten my cards, I looked all over the store for ring pops—couldn’t find any. As I was walking back to the other end of the store to the one checkout open on the side that didn’t sell groceries, I peeked in all of the candy racks at the checkout counters-to no avail. There was one open checkout on this far end of the store and as I got in it and moved closer to the checkout, VOILA! There was a small box of ring pops. I triumphantly grabbed two of them and moved up to the counter. The clerk rang up my two cards and ring pops and announced, “That will be $11.37 sir.”

Eleven dollars for two ring pops and two cards! After paying, I scrutinized the receipt and realize that the generic “Love” card I grabbed in my fit of exasperation, cost $6 even! Wow!

Either they have some REALLY smart people over at Target, who knew that guys like me would get fed up with the crowd and opt for a more generic card—without even looking at the price—or cards have just gotten waaaay expensive. But, like I’m going to complain to CareerMom about it right? Fat chance!

Happy Valentines Day all!