P is for Pregnancy!

image It is neither my intention, or desire, to turn this blog into a 9-month “and today in our pregnancy we did so and so” novella; but, it IS inevitable that when you’re living and breathing it on a daily basis, that things occur to you that you just have to share with the wider world. So today I thought I’d be very topical and bring you the word “PREGNANCY” in all its glory:

P is for Privacy. Privacy is something I’m about to lose when the new baby comes. See, our guest room, when not acting as a “Guest” room, acts as my own personal man-sanctuary. Here, safely ensconced behind two locked doors, I can do my bid-ness in peace…and pull a Costanza with a library book.

Ris for Recreation. I’m going to have to find a new form of recreation as the boys get older. Currently, my only form of non-gym related recreation is golf. Golf, even at a cheap place around here, costs you $50 by the time you’re done. Multiply that times three (four if the next baby is a boy) and that’s just untenable. Hiking is sounding like a good (read: cheap) alternative.

E is for Energy. I think it’s very unfair for mother nature to so completely sap a woman’s energy for months prior to having a kid, only to suddenly give it all back to her in the form of “nesting” just before it’s born. I mean, it’s setting a completely unreal precedent! As if, once the baby’s here, you’ll be able to live on estrogen and adrenaline well enough to keep from falling over at every opportunity. Much more believable, would be to keep the mother (and father) awake for the last two months of the pregnancy, and to make them both allergic to showers, fine dining and television.

G – is for Gee. As CareerMom turned to me the other evening, after letting out a heartburn induced burp, “FOR REAL, no more. FOR REAL!” I turned to her and said, “Gee, I’m pretty sure I was pretty F’ing serious last time I said ‘No More’ too!”

N – is for Never. As in “never friggin’ again”

A is for Answers. Maybe by the time the third one asks me why God made his or her best friend’s skin brown, I’ll have an answer that sounds both intelligent and believable at the same time.

N – is for Nosey. Kids are the nosiest people. Daddy, what do you have in your mouth? Daddy, what are you doing? Daddy, what are you and mommy talking about? Daddy, why are you hiding from me?”

C Is for consistency. Which is the complete opposite of what you get when you’re pregnant. Last night it was in the low forties outside. We had the heater on and CareerMom had me turn the fan on in our bedroom because of her constantly changing body temp and hot flashes. Are you hungry? Are you nauseaus? Are you tired? Are you coming onto me? Are you crying? It never stops!

Y is for Youth. Because even in this crazy, crazy world of babies, and not enough time or money, when you’re out at a restaurant, like last night, and your littlest one stands up in a chair with a mouth full of brown, wet OREO that looks like a snuff of Skoal in his lip, and he yells out at the top of his lungs “BYE BYE” while waving to the crowd…you have to just smile. I just hope I remember the good stuff and forget the frustrations.

4 thoughts on “P is for Pregnancy!

  1. I loved the “N” one!! ((giggle)) “Daddy, why are you hiding from me?” HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

    I think it’s great that you still have a sense of humor! And yes, trying to remember the good stuff will help.

    I love reading this stuff! Keep it coming!

  2. I know it is hard going through a pregnancy, let alone a third pregnancy; but you have to admit that once the diaper and bottle phase is over and done, these kids to liven up our existence and keep us youthful. Come on now, admit it!

  3. I just want you to promise to put it in writing, the first time you admit this happened for a good reason and you’re happy about it. Even if it takes 20 years – lol – I crack myself up!

    RE: *snort* You’re gonna have to wait awhile. But yes, I will admit it…when it happens! It’s amazing though, how many people either are, or have been, in the same situation. Just yesterday while at the ENT having my sinuses probed with a very long, and very cold instrument, the nurse asked how my kids were and I mentioned “MLS” (my little surprise). She said, “My third was a surprise too. In fact, the doctor wrote on my chart “Oops” and everytime I see him, he asks, “How is oops doing?”

    I keep reminding myself that it’s just a detour and that when I’m old like you ( you know…in my 50s-60s ((HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA)), when I’m sitting around my kitchen table with my family around me, I’ll look back and think about how absurd my feelings were way back in my 30s.)

  4. Dana

    I always wanted a large family, but I guess we don’t always get what we want. I think it’s great and whether you see that now or not…you will. Just like you said years down the road when you are surrounded by your kids and grandkids it will be great!

    RE: Uh huh, but I’m going to have to rearrange my furniture though. Currently, there’s no room for an easy chair!

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