Month: February 2009

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Dad Blogs Family Life in these United States Marriage Society

Go ahead, take away my Man Card

image Men have codes. We have a LOT of codes. And the funny thing is, for a gender that has, historically at least, been maligned as little more than sex-starved warmongers, most of our codes involve things like chivalry and bravery and good stuff like that.

But, if I’m being honest, we do have codes about sex and war, so there is some fact at the bottom of all that history.

At night, I have a routine. Once the kids are in bed, I get myself cleaned up, check my e-mail and then I usually retire to bed with CareerMom where we lie in bed and watch TV (unless we have other things on our minds). Most of the time, CareerMom is good about letting me watch what I want to watch because, unless we’re engaged in witty banter, she’s usually asleep within 30 minutes anyway. So the few times that she does actually want to watch something, I give in.

And that’s how I started watching “The Bachelor” this season.

Yeah, I know, I know. Don’t start with me guys!

To be honest, there are things about this show that redeem themselves, such as the 25 beautiful women walking around all dolled up for the first few episodes. But, as time goes on, and the Bachelor sends them home one by one, the eye candy dwindles and you’re left watching some young stud try and woo these women using all of his charms.

Now one of the codes we men have revolves around how we married guys rally behind our single brethren. At the risk of sounding like a pig, it’s a bit of a “living vicariously through another” thing. Sure, I may be happily married, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate watching a master at work. Heck, I bet even Bob Ross would have appreciated watching, oh I don’t know…what’s that “Painter of Light” guy’s name?

Anyway, I’ve been mentally giving this year’s Bachelor a “You go BOY!” as he cut the list of ladies down to these last three; but last night, I must say I lost all respect for the guy. Even followers of “The Code” have a line and that line involves marriage. When you get down to the nitty gritty and you start talking marriage, then I think you have to stop and re-evaluate your actions and perhaps adopt the “other code” that we married men follow.

The Married Man’s Code:

My wife is my best friend. Her trust I shall not betray. Daily, I am tempted, but my promise is stronger than any temptation. I can look, discreetly, but I shall not touch. I respect my wife and I will not disrespect either her, or her memory, in the presence of others.

There’s more to it, but we sort of make it up as we go.

But this Bachelor guy, he’s a piece of work. Now granted, so much of this show is manufactured that it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. But what IS obvious, is that this guy is a couple of dates away from asking a girl to marry him, and he’s spending the night, in the same room, with three different women. Even I can’t get behind that.

But I think what clinched it for me last night was when the second woman asked him the question: “Your house is on fire. What one thing would you grab as you ran out the door.”

I’ll pause here and ask you this question. What would you grab? Well, I’ll tell you that the first thing that came to my mind was, “my son.”

What did our Bachelor say? “My Air Jordan tennis shoes” or something like that.

I’m sorry, did you just say that you’d grab your shoes over your child? And this is after making a huge deal about family and how important they are. And while I’m bustin’ on this guy, here’s my other complaints:

  • Do you own anything other than a dark sweater and jeans? These ladies are dressed to the hilt for you and you have on your Levis.
  • OK, so you have a BA in Psychology. Still, quit staring at the girls like they are bugs. It makes them nervous and then they just start gabbing and saying stupid stuff, which you should know.

I can only imagine how the parents of these girls feel as they watch this guy, who their daughter is in love with, close the blinds on his love-nest with another women. Sheesh.

There is another code I’ve yet to mention and it goes something like this:

“R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me….”

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Dad Blogs Family Life in these United States Marriage

A simple sample of trickle-down-economics

image I don’t post many political blogs. This is mainly because I know that many of my readers don’t adhere to the same political views that I do, and I don’t want to piss off the few readers I do have. But with tax time hitting and everyone trying to decide whether to do something fun with their refund, or whether to just save it, I thought I’d give a little lesson on Reaganomics–specifically “Trickle Down Economics,” which the Democrats have poo-pooed to death with this stimulus plan.

Reaganomics, in this instance anyway, is the idea that tax cuts that benefit everyone the same, actually benefit the middle class and poor the most. Now true, if you make a million dollars a year, and you save 2% on your taxes, then you’re actually getting back a heckuva lot more than someone who makes $50K per year. But let me use my own example to show how it’s not this cut and dried.

CareerMom and I do pretty well; as my family (not you “TT” or “BP”) is always quick to point out in a passive aggressive sort of way (“Wow, if I made the money you do…”). It drives me nuts because most of them also live in Timbuktu, by choice. So, while they don’t make much money, their cost of living is very low as well, so it doesn’t cost them as much. But while we do well, we still have a lot of bills, and thus, our spending cash is probably nearly the same as a family living on half what we do.

Sound odd? Let me explain.

When you make a certain amount of money, there are only a few ways in which you can keep it out of the government’s hands:

  1. Contribute the crap outta your salary into a 401K plan. The downside is, that’s cash out of your pocket every paycheck, that you won’t see for 40 years.
  2. Buy a nice house and pay the crap outta a mortgage. The downside is that, while you get to write off all that interest, it’s again, money out of your pocket every month. Plus, the utilities are HUGE!
  3. Donating to charity. The downside, again, more money out of your pocket. Sure, you get a nice “feel good” but that doesn’t pay the grocery bill!
  4. Have lots of kids. The downside is…really? I think we all know what these are.

If you’re obscenely well off, there are more ways, but these are the basic ways most people you know can save money.

I mention all of this to point out that when CareerMom and I do get a little chunk of cash back, while we’re not having to use the money to pay off the credit card that we had to use for vehicle repairs, we’re also not so flush with cash that we can just run right off to Hawaii (in fact, the only “Island” vacations we’ve been on, were to St. Thomas because CareerMom won it along with a bunch of work people, and once to the Bahamas at a very inexpensive all-inclusive–something I would NOT do again OR recommend).

With the economy where it is, it’s making even those of us with a little extra cash laying around, reconsider what to do with it. For example, with MLS (My Little Surprise) on its way, we’ll be losing our guest room. Now, we have a very large, unfinished basement, but even to convert one room and a bathroom down there will cost about 15K. Using some creative financing and with me doing a LOT of the work, we could do it, but we’re not sure we want to spend the money right now because that would completely sap us dry. So, that’s 15K NOT going into the economy.

On a much smaller scale: I was working outside the other day and a guy, who was apparently doing some pressure washing on the neighbor’s house, came over and tried to pitch me on having mine done. He was insistent that he could do it “extremely” cheaply, but I still couldn’t let myself spend that coupla hundred dollars on something that we didn’t really NEED.

So, even the small jobs aren’t getting done, and the guys who could really use the money, aren’t getting it. Having illustrated this, I’d love for the guys in Washington to show me how giving the “middle class” an extra $500-$1000 is the same as cutting everyone a tax break, which would then potentially loosen the wallets of people like us and in turn provide even more cash into the economy.

Building roads isn’t going to make me feel better about spending money. Getting GM back to work building more cars with even more gov’t requirements and standards isn’t going to make me spend any more money. And building the CDC a new, “Green” office building here in Atlanta isn’t doing a darn thing for my psyche.

No sir, there’s only one thing that will make me feel better about spending–having more to spend. Also, from me to you…a Tax Tip: If you do your taxes via TurboTax or TaxCut, don’t let them deduct the e-filing fee from your refund. On top of the regular charge, they also tack on an additional “Handling” charge. For TurboTax, it’s another $29.95 for doing nothing more than transferring money from one account to another. No, just pay for it up front with a check, or your debit card and save yourself some green!

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Dad Blogs Family Life in these United States

Say Hello to my li-il frien’!

Last night, while sitting by myself downstairs watching “Wanted” with Angelina Jolie, that cool black dude that plays the head of the tech department at Wayne Enterprises, and a host of other people you’ve never heard of, this crawled across the floor:

IMG_2846In my younger years, regardless of the location, I would have instantly called for someone larger than myself to come kill whatever creepy, crawly thing I found around my home.

However, these days I have pity on the little critters. I mean, they just want to eat and have sex; just like me. So, I tend to cut them some slack…unless they are inside my home!

This little guy ended up floating in the commode after I shmooshed him in a heavily padded wad of toilet paper.

First thing this morning, I tried to figure out what he/she is. I mean, anything with cool markings like this has to be either A) One bad dude, or B) Pretending like it’s one bad dude.

I think it’s human nature, when trying to identify the unknown, to gravitate towards the dramatic and thus, the closest thing I can find to it, is the “Brown Widow,” shown here:

imageAnd yes, they are a poisonous cousin to the “Black Widow.” I think this is the Bollywood version of the Black Widow actually (sorry Romi, you have me on a Bollywood kick).

These guys have apparently just started moving into N. Georgia, having come up from the coast, so who knows.

Black, brown, whatever. I’m breakin’ out the spray this weekend!

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Dad Blogs Family

How did I get so jaded?

image Lying in bed a couple of mornings ago–briefly–with a cup of hot life in my hand, a commercial for “Valentine’s Day” came on the TV.

Me: “Man…Valentines is this weekend?”

CareerMom: “Ungh.”

She might have said, “Aaaagh” though. I’m not sure. It’s hard to decipher anything she says right now before she gets food in her; because, until she can talk without the threat of projectile vomiting, whatever she says is likely to come out sounding like the quick expanse of air that results from being hit in the stomach.

When did Valentines become a chore? This week MLI has to bring a “Crazy Sock” filled with candy for a friend in his class. MLE has to do Valentines for all the other 2-year olds in his class. I mean come on! Valentines for two-year-olds? Can we just call it what it really is please–a diversion to keep the screaming kiddies happy for an hour!

And forget trying to do anything romantic with CareerMom right now. The only way that’s going to happen is if the following set of coincidences occur (in this order):

  • We can get the kids fed and in bed before 8 p.m.
  • We find a safe alternative to speed that we can give CareerMom to keep her awake
  • Her “all day sickness” subsides at night rather than gets worse like it usually does
  • I can get myself excited over flannel PJs (that was soooo mean!)

In truth, we’ve not had good Valentines experiences. In the 9 years we’ve been married, two of our Valentines’ have ended in either one, or both of us, at the emergency room; once with our Weimaraner. Long story. Also, since we were also watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” when one event occurred, that movie is forever banished from our home (it would have been anyway since it’s just dreadful on its own merits).

Anyway, we have told each other that there will be no gifts this Valentines, and though I’ve never tested it, I’m pretty confident that she actually means it, rather than just saying it while fully expecting me to ignore her request and going out and getting her something shiny and new.

Somewhere, someone is out there saying, “You should put forth more of an effort. You and your wife need time alone together.”

Yep, I agree. Now, if you’ll just move some of my family (who have no other grandchildren) into my local area so they can watch the kids, OR find a teenage babysitter who is both A) responsible and B) not popular with her friends so that she’s home at night, then maybe we can do it.

P.S. There will be cards…and some sort of “special dinner.” I’m not yet sure whether I want to wait and eat AFTER the kids are in bed, or just go through with it while they are awake. I mean, either way, there will be no post-delicious-dinner lovin’, so it’s not as if the kids are going to kill the mood or anything.

What about you? Is Valentines celebrated in your house?