Category: Marriage

Discussions about marriage in America.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

If this van’s a rockin…

image There are few childhood things I lament the loss of more than the freedom to move around in the car. I grew up in the 70s when vans were all the rage. And these weren’t the vans like we have today–all captains chairs and entertainment systems–no, these vans had two captain’s chairs up front, perhaps one more row of them in the middle and then usually some kind of open area in the back.

I remember our custom shag-wagon like it was yesterday! It was a Chevy of course, and it was shaped much like the Scooby Doo mobile, except it had a beautiful ocean motif painted on the side. The whole van was done in blues and each side displayed an airbrushed image of a sailboat on a stormy sea. On the inside, there were two rows of captain’s chairs and then in the back was a raised shagging-platform–perfect for extracurricular activities–that was carpeted of course, where we kids used to sit and play games, read books and generally move around during trips. There was also a built-in cooler for drinks, but I remember that it never seemed to work right. As the times marched inexorably on, the vans became more refined–the back area giving away to a third bench row–but the general ability to move around unseen by prying eyes remained. The windows were darkened and had shutters or drapes on them and you could literally walk from the front to the back to grab a drink from the cooler, or just stretch your legs if dad refused to make a pit stop so he could “make up some time.”

What do kids do today on trips? They remain tightly fastened in their little car seats, safely protected from errant drivers and from generally being able to do anything else but stare out the windows and whine about being strapped into their seats. If they drop something…tough doo-doo because they’re so strapped in that they can’t bend over in to the floorboard to pick it up. Want to take a nap? Oh, I’m sorry–you’ll have to just lay your head over to the side and pray that you don’t get a crick in your neck from the odd motion.

Oh I know that car seats save lives and all, but crikey! When you’re doing 70mph (ok, maybe 80) on a lonely bit of highway in the middle of nowhere Georgia or Alabama, is there any harm in letting the little boogers waller around a bit? I say no!

What cracks me up though, is that now vehicles are going to need to get 35 MPG by 2016, which means cars will be what…smaller right? It’s probably a good time to invest in companies that make roof-top carriers for cars! I swear whoever it is running the bunch that develops these safety standards has obviously never taken a long trip with kids!

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

Well it’s summertime and weather is fine…

I think I’ve taken this whole, “Only post when you feel like it thing” too far. I mean, I haven’t posted in what, two weeks?

But seriously, we’re slowly moving into Summer, which means routine, which means BORING! Already, I’m dreading the heat. I’m dreading having to drag down to the pool and spend an hour and a half holding a splashy youngster while alternately worrying about my love handles. I’m dreading the kids wanting to go do fun things like the water park, and my wanting so badly to tell them no because I know that, during the summer, the water parks in and around Atlanta are inundated with fairly disgusting people who, rather than spending money on vitamins and fluoride rinse, instead spend it on Big Macs and theme park tickets.

I’m dreading all of the many “to do” lists I have and no time to do them.

I’m dreading needing to go visit family in various places, but not wanting to pack the car up with kids again.

imageOh, I’m definitely dreading our upcoming beach trip this weekend! We’re heading down to Orange Beach, AL to stay at the Fabulous “Phoenix onthe Bay” condos. Yep, 377 miles of youth-oriented goodness…and then back again.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s my quarterly depression! I swear it’s like I have “the PMS” or something. Have I ever mentioned that I have serious issues living in the moment. Yeah. I can’t ever seem to immerse myself in “the now” because I can’t stop thinking about the consequences later.
For instance:

  • “This cake is yummy, but I’d better not have too much or I’ll have to exercise extra hard later”

OR

  • “Man, I’d really like to go golfing today, but that means that when I get back, and I’m dog-tired, CareerMom will want to get out of the house and I’ll have to play with the kids.”

OR

  • “It would sure be nice to sit on the back porch and drink a glass of wine and watch the bats, but then it’ll be late when I come to bed and I really need some time to just lay there before falling asleep.”

OR (and this is perhaps the worst one ever, or the best depending on how you look at it)

  • “Sweetheart, if you’re having second thoughts about our engagement, I totally understand. I know being in college is supposed to be one of the best times of your life and, I don’t want to take that away from you. Wait…what? You want to break up? What tha…!

I know, idiotic right? That’s me in all my screwed up glory and God Bless CareerMom for living with it. But with all the depressing news, I’d like to take a moment and mention a couple of positives:

  1. My sister, who had a cyst on her ovaries (I’m pretty sure that’s right, but if not, trust me, I’ll get corrected) had a healthy baby boy early yesterday morning. Both mom and baby Ryan are fine. Woot! I’m an uncle again! (or am I a “half-uncle” since she is my half-sister?) Damn!
  2. Pre-K is almost out for the summer, which means that once it’s over, we’re moving the boys to their new summer camp/daycare location that is much, much closer to home! Yaaaay!
  3. MLE has pee-peed on the potty this week. Hey, that IS a big deal. When you start cleaning poopy diapers that are as nasty as anything an adult would do, you get excited over these little milestones!
  4. I still have a job!
  5. I still have my relative health AND God still loves me and my family

There. How’d I do? Did I balance out all the negativity?

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

Whatever happened to plain old gum?

image After the makeup soccer game this past Saturday, I was trying to make a quick escape so I could get some things done around the house and still have time to be a dad, when, as I was packing up the car, the coach of the team asked if we wanted to go grab some pizza for lunch with his family.

*sigh*

And I say *sigh* for many reasons here:

  1. It was early. Like…11:15 a.m. and I had just eaten a protein bar, the kids had just had the post-game snack. Who was hungry?
  2. I felt bad for the coach because he got suckered into coaching when he thought he was just going to be an assistant. His daughter, who was on the team, spent most of her season sulking and walking around the field with pouty lips and crossed arms. I felt bad for the guy. He claimed he mostly wanted to get a beer. (Before noon?)
  3. The kids had already had pizza three times in the last 3 days
  4. The beach is coming up and the last thing I want is pizza!

But…I folded and off we went. Once there, the kids all sat at a little table to the side while we adults took the big table and talked. We all kept one eye on our kids while discussing careers, how each couple met…the usual. After a while, I noticed the kids all eyeballing the little gum and toy vending machines in the back of the pizza parlor and before long, MLE came over and said, “Daddy gum?”

Knowing that I actually had a couple of $1 dollar bills in my wallet for a change, I went back and made change and gave each child 50 cents for the vending machines.

The other couple’s little girl got a green slimy snake

MLE got a green slimy space alien

MLI got a gold-plated keychain with an Uzi attached.

AN UZI? WTH?

In what world is this OK? And, knowing these tiny little pieces of crap come from China, who is approving this junk?

Uzi aside, what does a gumball machine dispenser need to dispense gold BLING for?

Un-friggin-believable.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m about as “pro-gun rights” as a person can be and not have a hidden safe full of them in his closet, but I draw the line at giving kids guns, unless it’s MY kid and MY gun and we’re learning about gun safety.

Anyway, I let him keep it, knowing that full well in the next few days he’d lose it and I’d find it and accidentally drop it in the recycle bin.

But, the meal wasn’t a total waste. Before we left, I noticed MLI was in the back still doing something. So, I went back there and he was playing a car racing game while another little boy lay on the floor pushing the gas pedal for him. Confused as to where he got the money to play the game, I asked MLI about it and he told me the little boy gave it to him.

So wait…lemme get this straight…the little boy gives you HIS money to play a game AND he gets stuck laying on the dirty floor pushing the gas pedal while you play?

Wow! Pretty impressive. I’m considering changing his name to “MLM” — My Little Manipulator.

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A Boy's Life Dad Blogs Family Marriage Society

Paralysis by Analysis – Or, What In the World Do You Buy For Women These Days?

image Pleasing a woman is never easy, even in the best of circumstances. Pleasing her while she’s pregnant…why, that’s just a Pandora’s box that is perhaps best left unopened.

Perhaps my first memory of displeasing a woman, came back in the 80s. I don’t remember if it was my mother’s birthday, or actually Mother’s Day, but I found this really cool, under-the-counter can opener that I thought she’d love (remember: this is the 80s). With my little 10-year old money, I bought it and presented it to her on the now-forgotten holiday. Expecting her to be “wowed” by my selection, I was devastated when she started crying and even moreso when, after many months had gone by and she had not asked my dad to install it, I realized she didn’t like the gift.

That was an important lesson; one which, if you judge by the media and locker-room talk, many men would do well to learn.

The Lesson: A “good” gift is one part selection, and one-part timing.

For instance, had I given my mom the can opener at Christmas–at the same time she got a really pretty sweater or some jewelry–it probably would have gone over OK. However, having that being the “only gift” at the time, made what might normally be a good gift, instead something that reminded her that her young, active lifestyle of jogging and reading books like, “The Sugar Blues,” while partying and driving around on the weekends in her little blue Mustang, were over.

So it is with much trepidation that I approach May. In addition to Mother’s Day being in May, it is also the month of CareerMom’s birthday. In fact, there are only three days between the two this year (I know…yay me!). What does one get a pregnant woman whose self loathing is at an all time high? Sure, I could go the “spa” route, but really…a “pregnancy massage”? Really?

I could go with some nice clothes, which she’d only get to wear for a month or two before (hopefully) putting them into a storage bin for the last time.

Jewelry is always nice, but my bank account isn’t that lucrative right now.

What’s a man, and his two boys, to do?

I pose this question to my readers:

CareerMom asked that I give her money to purchase a new swimsuit for our beach trip at the end of the month. Ok, that’s doable, but…ho hum…BORING! Come on…she’s 6 months pregnant. She isn’t going to go buy a sexy bikini or even a moderately revealing two-piece (I know…it’s not for ME…).

I then thought about getting her a gift certificate for some clothes at a trendy-ish clothing store for women, like Chico’s or Boston Proper. But that would be for after the baby comes and after she’s lost some of the baby weight, which…I know, is a goal of hers.

But this idea is fraught with perils. My thought is that this would be a personal incentive for her to lose the weight so that she could get some fun new clothes. I know she’s going to lose it anyway, so is it really so bad? But, what if she gets offended that I “want” her to lose weight?

Is this a good idea, or is this a Pandora’s Box that I would be well-advised to just put back in the hole and cover up with some dirt?