Tag: children

Categories
Family

Tanks n’…Barbies?

tanks barbiesThis past week, an infrequent friend of ours, whose daughter is also in MLIs daycare class and who is a single mother, was moving. Having lived through this particular brand of hell with our own kids, we offered to watch her daughter during the process; something which she took us up on with hardly a moment’s thought.

CareerMom picked them up from Daycare and within five minutes of being in the house, they both came running downstairs wearing nothing but their skivvies! This has become a common enough thing for MLI lately, it being what he calls his “Tarzan” look; but I was unprepared to have a near-naked four-year-old little girl running around the house.

I mean, we have boys and I’m used to naked fellers running around here, but even though she’s only 4, it seemed like there was something wrong with it! I know, it’s stupid; it’s what society has done to us by crucifying anyone found having “inappropriate” pictures of kids on their computer.

It’s made us hyper-aware and while I’ll admit that overall, it’s probably a good thing, at the same time a person shouldn’t feel weird when their (very young) kids, and an opposite-gender friend, want to play Tarzan together…or take a bath together…or sleep in the same bed together…

(As you can see, the evening just got “weirder” and “weirder” for my personal tastes.)

I realize there are millions of family’s with two kids of the opposite gender, who live with this every day, and that they probably give it zero thought, but I suppose when you don’t live with it, and it’s someone else’s child, you can’t help but feel a little bit, well…creepy!

I was also surprised to find that little boys and little girls at that age (esp. when the girl is a tomboy) pretty much like the same things. I learned a bit about little girls this past week and maybe a bit about myself too…odd how that keeps happening at my age.

del.icio.us Tags: ,,,

Categories
Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

You lookin’ at me?

Me LamazeI don’t try to be a mean looking person, and in fact, despite years of purposefully ignoring people around me when I’m at the gym, the mall, the grocery store, etc., I’m pretty sure I’m about the least mean looking person on the planet–except for maybe Mike Myers (of SNL, not Halloween cuz that dudes’ creepy!).

One thing I’ve noticed though, since having kids and since I’ve started hanging around kid-populated places, is that I attract kids like a flea to a heating pad wrapped around a glass bottle with fly tape wrapped around it (try it if you ever have a flea problem; it works!).

For instance, this past week at the pool, no fewer than three kids latched onto me like I was their daddy, or some long lost uncle who was about to kick the bucket and had $100 million to divide up in my will. Happened today again at the soft play area at the mall. I was on the floor trying to give MLE some attention and another little boy got right in my face and just stared at me with this little half smile.

And for some reason, I always feel weird when this happens. And not in a “Hey look everyone! I’m about to molest this child” kinda weird, but more like, “Why is this kid talking to me like he/she knows me and what are his/her parents thinking about me right now?”

It creeps me out…yeah, in a “Halloween” Michael Myers kinda way!

I can’t figure out if it’s just that these kids’ parents are off gabbing away with their homeys and not paying their children any attention and so the kid latches onto the first semi-friendly adult face they can find, or if maybe I smell like vanilla and spice like one of those Lamaze Octotunes thingies and it just drives the chillun wild!

Now if I was a really religious person, I might think, “Hey maybe the LORD is trying to tell me something,” but then I remember the old saying that the Lord would never give a person more than they can handle, and I know for certain the Lord is NOT telling me to be a full-time teacher, or child care-giver or anything of that nature because I’m quite certain I could not handle that.

But, is it just me? Does this happen to you too?

Categories
Dad Blogs Family

My Solution to the Gas Crisis!

vacationForget food-price-gauging ethanol production; forget uber-expensive hybrid vehicles, and forget flux capacitors; I have a way to cut down on the demand for gasoline going into the hot summer months when everyone is racing to the beaches and casinos. I’d like to start a campaign called,
“Take A Kid On Vacation!” or TAKOV!

TAKOV! is a grass-roots campaign (by me) to bring awareness to those not yet blessed with their own little ones, and who still drive around everywhere in their sports cars, convertibles and mammoth SUVs, caring little for those of us with kids languishing in uncomfortable car seats for hours on end.

Here’s how the program works (in theory, though I’m still working out a few details):

Step 1:
You and your childless lover decide where you want to go on vacation together. The only rules are that you must drive, and the vacation location must be at least four hours away from your point of origin.

Step 2:
Contact TAKOV! and request a child, under the age of 6, to go with you. TAKOV! will comb through its extensive list of available children to find one (or 2?) who would best fit your vacation itinerary.

Step 3:
On the day of your vacation, pick up your TAKOV! child at a mutually agreed upon convenient location. TAKOV! will provide toys only, NO SNACKS. You are responsible for providing all food and drink for your TAKOV! child.

Step 4:
Enjoy your vacation!

The program works by ensuring that after taking at least one child on a long drive, the couple will never want to do it again, thus reducing the number of people flying or driving anywhere this summer. It may even have the added benefit of completely changing some couples’ minds about having children altogether, thereby also helping to solve that pesky population problem.

TAKOV! is also providing, free of charge, this handy-dandy list of things to bring along on the trip:

  • Headphones
  • Earplugs
  • Lots of sugary drinks
  • Lots of sugary snacks
  • Percocet/Valium
  • Long-handled fly swatter (use your imagination here)
  • Rooftop car carrier (for all of the kids’ stuff)
  • DVD portable entertainment system, if your vehicle is not so equipped
  • Books
  • Anything that makes a noise
  • Sippy cup w/ill-fitting top

So do your part, join TAKOV! by signing your child up for a wonderful vacation with a needy, childless family TODAY! (no prescreening necessary!)

(Author’s Note: Yes, we drove to Grammy’s house this weekend!)

Categories
Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood

Hollywood, is not America…(ripped off Blessed Union of Souls new song)

hollywood stars I’m considering changing my nickname for MLI because he’s really starting to come into his own. He’s still not “out there” when it comes to new situations, but when he’s around his homey’s, he’s quite the little leader.

And I got to thinking this morning, based on their personalities today, what if I were to compare my two boys to any movie character, who would they most resemble? I think it will be interesting in about 15 years to look back and see if they’ve changed all that much and if so, how.

So, without further ado, I present my lil’ fellars as Hollywood characters:

MLI = The Wizard of Oz!

I know, I know, it’s kinda hokey but lemme explain! MLI is bright, energetic and just a tad on the eccentric side. In the words of the trampy cocktail hostess in Swingers, “…he’s the guy behind the guy…”

MLI will probably never be a Fortune 500 CEO, but not because he doesn’t have the brains for it. More like, I’ll never be able to afford the Ivy League business school that’s required. No, MLI will be the quiet power broker working the deals behind the scenes. He’ll be the Karl Rove (with more hair) of whatever endeavor he throws himself into. And if people don’t like it, he’ll slip on his Batman costume and bust some caps!

MLE = Bodhi from “Point Break”

I’ll admit that this is just a little bit of me wanting to live the super-cool surfer life and I think MLE and his blonde hair and his “Dude, whatever! It looks like a rush so let’s do it!” attitude would fit the bill nicely. MLE can charm the pants off anyone and could probably hold up a bank with his smile alone. If he can just work off that baby fat belly and get those oh-so-sexy washboard abs, he’ll put even Swayze (in his younger days) to shame!

So I thought this was fun and I know most of my readers have kids, so why don’t you either blog about your kids or leave me a comment about them and tell me which movie character they most resemble, and why!