Category: Fatherhood

Being a father and dad in America.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

Well it’s summertime and weather is fine…

I think I’ve taken this whole, “Only post when you feel like it thing” too far. I mean, I haven’t posted in what, two weeks?

But seriously, we’re slowly moving into Summer, which means routine, which means BORING! Already, I’m dreading the heat. I’m dreading having to drag down to the pool and spend an hour and a half holding a splashy youngster while alternately worrying about my love handles. I’m dreading the kids wanting to go do fun things like the water park, and my wanting so badly to tell them no because I know that, during the summer, the water parks in and around Atlanta are inundated with fairly disgusting people who, rather than spending money on vitamins and fluoride rinse, instead spend it on Big Macs and theme park tickets.

I’m dreading all of the many “to do” lists I have and no time to do them.

I’m dreading needing to go visit family in various places, but not wanting to pack the car up with kids again.

imageOh, I’m definitely dreading our upcoming beach trip this weekend! We’re heading down to Orange Beach, AL to stay at the Fabulous “Phoenix onthe Bay” condos. Yep, 377 miles of youth-oriented goodness…and then back again.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s my quarterly depression! I swear it’s like I have “the PMS” or something. Have I ever mentioned that I have serious issues living in the moment. Yeah. I can’t ever seem to immerse myself in “the now” because I can’t stop thinking about the consequences later.
For instance:

  • “This cake is yummy, but I’d better not have too much or I’ll have to exercise extra hard later”

OR

  • “Man, I’d really like to go golfing today, but that means that when I get back, and I’m dog-tired, CareerMom will want to get out of the house and I’ll have to play with the kids.”

OR

  • “It would sure be nice to sit on the back porch and drink a glass of wine and watch the bats, but then it’ll be late when I come to bed and I really need some time to just lay there before falling asleep.”

OR (and this is perhaps the worst one ever, or the best depending on how you look at it)

  • “Sweetheart, if you’re having second thoughts about our engagement, I totally understand. I know being in college is supposed to be one of the best times of your life and, I don’t want to take that away from you. Wait…what? You want to break up? What tha…!

I know, idiotic right? That’s me in all my screwed up glory and God Bless CareerMom for living with it. But with all the depressing news, I’d like to take a moment and mention a couple of positives:

  1. My sister, who had a cyst on her ovaries (I’m pretty sure that’s right, but if not, trust me, I’ll get corrected) had a healthy baby boy early yesterday morning. Both mom and baby Ryan are fine. Woot! I’m an uncle again! (or am I a “half-uncle” since she is my half-sister?) Damn!
  2. Pre-K is almost out for the summer, which means that once it’s over, we’re moving the boys to their new summer camp/daycare location that is much, much closer to home! Yaaaay!
  3. MLE has pee-peed on the potty this week. Hey, that IS a big deal. When you start cleaning poopy diapers that are as nasty as anything an adult would do, you get excited over these little milestones!
  4. I still have a job!
  5. I still have my relative health AND God still loves me and my family

There. How’d I do? Did I balance out all the negativity?

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

Whatever happened to plain old gum?

image After the makeup soccer game this past Saturday, I was trying to make a quick escape so I could get some things done around the house and still have time to be a dad, when, as I was packing up the car, the coach of the team asked if we wanted to go grab some pizza for lunch with his family.

*sigh*

And I say *sigh* for many reasons here:

  1. It was early. Like…11:15 a.m. and I had just eaten a protein bar, the kids had just had the post-game snack. Who was hungry?
  2. I felt bad for the coach because he got suckered into coaching when he thought he was just going to be an assistant. His daughter, who was on the team, spent most of her season sulking and walking around the field with pouty lips and crossed arms. I felt bad for the guy. He claimed he mostly wanted to get a beer. (Before noon?)
  3. The kids had already had pizza three times in the last 3 days
  4. The beach is coming up and the last thing I want is pizza!

But…I folded and off we went. Once there, the kids all sat at a little table to the side while we adults took the big table and talked. We all kept one eye on our kids while discussing careers, how each couple met…the usual. After a while, I noticed the kids all eyeballing the little gum and toy vending machines in the back of the pizza parlor and before long, MLE came over and said, “Daddy gum?”

Knowing that I actually had a couple of $1 dollar bills in my wallet for a change, I went back and made change and gave each child 50 cents for the vending machines.

The other couple’s little girl got a green slimy snake

MLE got a green slimy space alien

MLI got a gold-plated keychain with an Uzi attached.

AN UZI? WTH?

In what world is this OK? And, knowing these tiny little pieces of crap come from China, who is approving this junk?

Uzi aside, what does a gumball machine dispenser need to dispense gold BLING for?

Un-friggin-believable.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m about as “pro-gun rights” as a person can be and not have a hidden safe full of them in his closet, but I draw the line at giving kids guns, unless it’s MY kid and MY gun and we’re learning about gun safety.

Anyway, I let him keep it, knowing that full well in the next few days he’d lose it and I’d find it and accidentally drop it in the recycle bin.

But, the meal wasn’t a total waste. Before we left, I noticed MLI was in the back still doing something. So, I went back there and he was playing a car racing game while another little boy lay on the floor pushing the gas pedal for him. Confused as to where he got the money to play the game, I asked MLI about it and he told me the little boy gave it to him.

So wait…lemme get this straight…the little boy gives you HIS money to play a game AND he gets stuck laying on the dirty floor pushing the gas pedal while you play?

Wow! Pretty impressive. I’m considering changing his name to “MLM” — My Little Manipulator.

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

One more candy holiday down!

Easter 20094Are there any more candy holidays until Halloween? I pray not. MLE has shown exceptional acumen at being able to sniff out and unwrap foil-wrapped candy. It’s a vice his older brother never picked up, but is happily playing along with.

*sigh*

CareerMom leaves town again today for the whole week, but this time, things are going to be  bit different. For one, she’s not leaving over the weekend, so I get a break during the day while I’m working and the boys are at daycare. Secondly, she’s arranged for my SIL to come watch the kids two nights this week.

TWO NIGHTS! That’s like, more free time than I get when CareerMom is home (and she wonders why I don’t mind her traveling so much).

However, in what is hopefully not a portend of the week to come, this morning we woke to discover bulging paint in the ceiling over our bedroom armoire, which, when coupled with the pounding rain we’re getting today, could only mean one thing–water leak!

Luckily (if there’s a silver lining when it comes to water leaks), the water is dribbling down a pipe where apparently, it’s not sealed well on the roof. I was able to stuff towels down to stop the water from getting further into my sheetrock and I’m hoping the rain is merciful as the day goes on. Friday night we had some nasty storms come through and we had a brief bit of large hail. I’m wondering if we didn’t accumulate some damage this spring with all the bad weather. So, I’ll be calling Mr. Insurance this morning to see if they want to come out and take a look-see. I know a few of my neighbors have gotten new roofs because of the weather this year so who knows.

Leapfrogging to another topic — church. Being Easter and all, we kept the boys with us in church on Sunday rather than sticking them in children’s church, which incites screaming fits each time from MLE, and they were really good for about 35 minutes. Unfortunately, church is more like an hour and 15 minutes. By the hour mark, MLE had played peek-a-boo with everyone behind us; he’s crawled around on the floor, and even wandered out into the aisle where he watched in awe at the unfolding passion play on stage. MLI just sat, laughed at MLE and ate Cheerios. Luckily, we were in the balcony where you can get away with a lot more shenanigans. It WAS entertaining at least (moreso than the over-emoters playing Mary Magdalene and Simon Peter on stage. And dude! You can’t tell me that Jesus and Mary M. weren’t an item!)

I hope you and your family had a good Easter, or at least enjoyed the fine weather if you don’t celebrate the holiday!

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Dad Blogs Family Fatherhood Life in these United States Marriage

It’s the Monday Wrap-Up!

Let’s call this “Wrap Up Monday,” which is odd I know, but I have a lot of short little ‘vignette’ type things to mention that don’t deserve an entire blog on their own merits, so here goes:

******************************************************************************************************

On Saturday, MLI had his second soccer game of the season. At this age, they play four kids at one time, on each team, and they don’t have a goalie. So, you’re supposed to have 8 kids running whilly nilly around a soccer field, while two coaches try to keep pace by immediately throwing a ball back into play whenever one goes out of bounds. It’s very “high energy” and very, very funny.

Unfortunately, our team apparently suffered from “Spring Break” syndrome, so only four kids showed up, and one of the kids was a girl who proceeded to pout on the field (because she couldn’t get the ball) until I pointed out to her how important the “goalie” position was and that, “…all you have to do is stand right here and keep the ball from going in. It’s THE MOST IMPORTANT job on the whole team!” She loved it and didn’t pout the rest of the game. Course…by then we were already down about 8 points, but…

Despite having three boys on our team who were unable to substitute out and rest, they did pretty darn well against the other team who had seven players and could rotate out the bench when a player started flagging. Our team scored two points and I’m proud to say that MLI scored the only “legitimate” point for us (the other was scored by a member of the opposite team who got confused about which side of the field he was on).

Meanwhile, on the sideline, MLE showed that he could have probably hung with most of the 5-year olds on the field, by dribbling the ball up and down the sidelines better than half the other, bigger kids. I have high hopes for that one!

On a more serious note, one of my many moms and MY BROTHER, are coming for a very brief visit on Wednesday. This is significant for several reasons:

  • This is my “adopted mom” who exerted the same lack of parenting skills that I find myself exerting when CareerMom is gone. The main difference being that hers was “all the time” and a good bit rougher.
  • Despite having any real connection to my kids, she continues to call them, “my babies” despite neither of them being either A) Babies or B) hers.
  • My brother, whom I probably haven’t seen in five years, is coming with her. Last time I saw him, was in the visitation lounge of the Lexington, Kentucky Federal Penitentiary. He had a long beard and lots of tattoos. He’s been “straight” for a while now, but I honestly don’t know how I feel about him coming to my sanctuary…my home…and being around my kids. Oh, he’s never been violent or anything, but I honestly don’t know him anymore and I don’t know what to expect. Being around him is like being around that strange uncle that you’re supposed to like, and that your parents want you to hug and stuff, but whom you really don’t know well enough to want to do any of that stuff. It’s gonna be a weird visit all around.

Luckily, they will only be there for a very brief instant. After the “we were gonna stop by, but my GPS sent me to the wrong side of Atlanta…and oh, by the way, here’s your rotten shrimp” incident, I suppose I should give her credit for trying.